Where the Heart is
by starnosy
Summary: Over a hundred year Bella dont let others easily into her heart. Only when three strangers came into her life and that of her family, does she open up for once. But what she will get is beyond her imagination and change everything. J/B; no Alice/Edward
1. Lingering Reverie

What if things were different from the beginning in the Twilight Universe? What if Alice never got changed and was killed by James in the asylum the family had put her in. Both Jasper and Alice never were soul mates at all which meant that Jasper never made it to the Cullen's. Edward was killed after the Volturi came to Forks to kill Nessie. And Bella and him weren´t mates too but deeply in love. Follow Jasper and Bella on their path to find each other.

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><p>Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight<br>Rating: **M** (_for sexual contents, don´t read if you are under 18_)  
>Pairing: JasperBella

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><p><strong>Where the heart is<br>**

**Chapter 1: **Lingering Reverie

Bella POV

Nothing had really changed in this open space around the forest near Forks. It still was the most beautiful place I had ever seen.

_So many years…_

The scent of thousand wildflowers lingered in the air as the sun shone through the constant cover of clouds. I still stood hidden behind a tree in the dark shadows on the forest line and watched the scene in front of me. The time I spent around here, was one of the best in my whole life.

_Our meadow…_

Slowly as if it could vanish the next moment, I stepped out of the shadows. Step by step my mind fell back to my memories. It was as if around me awoke a different scene where Edward and I sat together. I watched as my human self-laughed along with him, watched how I blushed at words Edward whispered into my ear. It gave me a strange feeling. It was so warm and soft but in the same time excruciating to watch it. But it vanished quickly as another memory flashed into my head. It was like a deja-vu.

The memory was the one where I came here after hours of running through the woods. It was a hard time for me as Edward left me back then. It was after he lost his control as I cut my finger on a paper. It was a stupid small cut as I opened a present on my eighteenth birthday but enough for Edward to end everything with me.

Cut everything between him and me…_a clean break…_

He was gone for almost seven month until he and his family came back into my life again.

But the time I was without him, when he said goodbye to me in the forest, cut me deep and I thought I would die. I was so heartbroken and nothing would cut through the wall I had built around me. The never ending pain in my chest was something I never felt before. I was sure nothing could fix me, nothing except for Jake!

_Jake…_

My savior in every way! If he wasn´t there at the time I was sure I would have lost my mind. He was my anchor when I needed it the most. I knew he was in love with me but I just couldn´t. Jacob is too much my best friend. More now than ever! Back then I tried to ignore that I loved him too. But my love for Jacob was not enough and he was so heartbroken as I married Edward that I thought I had lost him forever.

This pain I had felt back then when Edward left me was nothing, really nothing compared to the never ending excruciating agony I lived in now. I even can´t find words to describe the blind pain in my heart.

I sat down on where Edward used to sit when we had been here together. My hand stroke over the grass on the ground and I closed my eyes as it slipped through my fingers. The early morning fog had left small droplets of water everywhere and I felt it on my fingertips. I sighed heavily and imagined Edward was here with me. The air pulsated with an ancient aroma that was so rich and intoxicating no single human breath could take in the full spectrum of primal forest scents. I inhaled it deeply and my eyes welled up with tears which would never fall. I felt so lonely and forlorn at this moment, more than ever!

_Edward…_

A sob escaped my lips as the pain in my heart was too strong to stay quiet. I tried to be brave for my family and don´t want them to worry about me. But of course they knew it. Doesn´t matter how hard I try.

I wasn´t a good liar when I was human and I´m not better now. But I love my family deeply and would die for them. If I was alone in this world, I had already killed myself a long time ago. Since the Volturi destroyed the meaning of my life over a century ago, I felt so incomplete.

_"It has been so long Edward! But nothing had changed in here. Can you see that too?"_ I whispered and laid back.

_"I miss you so much! I want to hear your voice again and feel your love for me!"_ I opened my eyes and stared at the sky with tears in my eyes. I watched the clouds drift by, listen to the sounds around me and felt the light breeze which surrounded me. It was like music as the wind danced through the trees and let the leafs rustling.

The wildlife soothed me as I inhaled the millions of different scents that lingered here.

There was a silence in the forest that went deeper than the trees, deeper than the shimmering shades of green and brown, deeper than the breeze as it winds through the branches, a silence that drove beneath the bending boughs and twisted trunks and arching limbs, it was a silence that pulled at my heart, my soul, in a way that cannot be measured or seen or heard or even spoken.

_Home…_

Rays of sunshine came through a cloud and my white skin sparkled like thousands of tiny diamonds.  
>I just laid there on the ground for a very long time and stared into space, images of Edward and me appeared and I wished so much he would be here with me. I remembered bits and pieces when I was human as we sat here for the first time and Edward told me about himself.<p>

_´It's too easy to be myself with you.´ _

_._

_._

_´I promise… I swear not to hurt you.´_

_._

_._

_´I'm essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I should.´_

_._

_._

_´It's not only your company I crave! Never forget that. Never forget I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else.´_

Edwards's words echoed in my ear and longing for him was heavy in every part of my being.

Suddenly I heard twigs crack and leafs rustled. It was coming northbound, exactly from where I had come from. It was still a little bit far away but the scent from the person which came closer blew already around me.

I inhaled the deeply sweet flower scent and as it got stronger I turned my head into the direction just as I saw her.

_Renesmee…_

She was so much like Edward. Everything on her reminded me to him, the same unusual bronze colored hair and the same high cheekbones, straight nose and full lips. Her features were so beautiful and unique.

She walked out with a warm smile that had always melted my heart since I saw it the first time. Her skin was glowing softly as the sun touched it. I sat up as she silently stopped beside me and sat down, her scent washed over me even more.

"Sweetheart, what are you doing here?" I asked her softly and she touched my cheek while she looked at me with her sad chocolate brown eyes.

An image of me flashed into my head where I sat sadly on Edwards's piano and played my lullaby.

"I was worried about you momma!" she whispered with her soft voice. I quickly engulfed her in my arms as I heard her broken voice.

"Oh Nessie! Don´t be! I just miss your daddy!" I whispered before I kissed her hair.

She nodded briefly and pressed her face into my chest. Her hand still lingered on my cheek as she cried silently and an image of Edward and our family flashed before me. It was one of Nessie´s favorite memory and her first and only Christmas with Edward. Renesmee had not much memories of him. And those she had meant the world to her. She kept them like a treasure. Absently she played with the locket I gave her on her first Christmas. Inside was only one image of Edward and me. Nessie always played with it when she was nervous or stressed.

I softly took her warm hand from my face and put it back into her lap as I hold her while she cried. We all missed Edward but for Nessie it was different. She never had the chance to live her life with her dad. She wanted so desperately a father figure. We all wanted that for her. All the things she dreamed to do with him were done with Jake, Emmett and Carlisle or with Charlie and Billy. But still, inside her was a huge part that wanted a father. Doesn´t matter how old she was now.

_But Edward was death._

He would never come back. A sob escaped me as I thought that and my hold on Nessie got a little tighter. I wished so much the pain would just go away. It was still the same as it was hundred years ago.

We rocked each other back and forth until the ache in our hearts lessened a little bit.

"Sweetheart, did you come alone? Where is Jake?" I was worried now that she came alone. I knew when she did that, our family wouldn´t know it. How could Jake let her go alone?

"No momma! Jake came with me! He is at the reservation now and waits there for us! He wanted to go there and look what had changed since his last visit." I sighed in relieve.

"Nessie, it is too dangerous when you come alone!" she looked up at me with a light scowl which made me smile at her. She was too cute if she wanted to look stern at someone.

"Momma, Jake brought me up here and I ran just a mile alone! Nothing happened!" she was right like always.

_My beautiful daughter…_

I kissed her forehead and stroke over her hair while she relaxed again in my arms.

"I know Nessie!" I whispered into her hair.

"Are Carlisle and Emmett already in Forks?" I asked Nessie after a while.

"I don´t know! I was with Jake as we followed you!" she said and laid her head into my lap and I began to stroke her hair and sum her lullaby. Soon she fell asleep but I kept singing.

I was always fascinated when she would sleep. My little sweetheart! I don´t know what I would do without her. She was the most important thing in my life.  
>Soon I had to wake her up.<br>Certainly our family is already in the house and packing out their things. And Emmett and Carlisle probably carry all our furniture around the house.

"Nessie? Sweetheart! Wake up! We need to go!" I whispered in her ear and touched her shoulder.

"Do we have to go so soon momma?" she said tiredly. I know Nessie loved this place as much as I do.

"Yes sweetheart! Jake waits for us and have you forgotten that you wanted Emmett to help you with your furniture. It will not make their way alone in your room and you need it tonight!"

She rose up and rubbed her still sleepy eyes.

"Come!" I held my hand out to her as I stood up. Together we ran back towards the reservation to search for Jake.

While we were running, I couldn´t believe that it took me over hundred years to come back to this place.

_After the Volturi executed an example to the laws, means killing Edward because he broke the laws and let me come into their world when I was still human, I couldn´t stay here any longer. The Volturi would have probably killed us all if it was not for Carlisle. Aro thinks very highly of him and had it let go then._

_My family arranged everything and we moved to Alaska, together with Jake while his pack stayed in La Push._

_Embry and all the others refused to come, especially Quil. He couldn´t bear it to move away for just a second. He don´t gave it a second thought if he wanted to come or not as well as the others of his pack and Jake understood it completely. So they went back into Sam´s pack. For Leah was it the most difficult thing. She was so glad to be away from Sam and his thoughts but she couldn´t leave her mother and Seth alone. She was maybe angry about the life she had back then but she would never leave her family behind._

_My dad was sad that I left but understood it. It broke my heart to leave him but I had to. He often visited us and we all had a great time together, especially with Nessie. The next years as she grew up, means the world for my dad. To share this moments with Charlie made him so happy. Nessie changed him and he finally found his happily ever after in Leah´s mum as well. He had a great life with her until he died._

_Jake and Nessie were the only ones who ever went home to Forks to visit everyone. The only times I came back to Forks were the hardest since I left. It was everyone´s funeral. Of course I would stay far away so nobody would see me but still, it broke my heart even more as step by step everyone I knew died. I remembered the words which Edward had told me in another lifetime._

_´After a few decades, everyone you know will be death.´ _

_But that didn´t mean the pain in my heart lessoned to know that._

_From Jake I heard that everyone I knew had a good life and I was happy for them too that they had their love ones. Even Leah found her imprint a few years after we were gone._

_Now it was just our family that was left. And we held together like oil and water. Everyone! Jake as well as the others went along very well. And after a few years the bond got even stronger, especially between Jake and Emmett. They were clued together and the best friends and brothers. After Emmett had lost his brother, Jake took his place and I was so glad about it._

Nessie voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Momma I will just run the few miles to Jake and we will come home together!" she said as we saw the first houses from La Push.

I nodded and kissed her cheek. I knew she was save in La Push and let her go.

"Bella!" I heard Esme´s soft voice as I stepped out from the woods and in the garden from our house. Esme was already working on it.

"I was so worried sick honey!" she came quickly to me and hugged me to her chest. Everyone stopped their doings and came over too, all with a relieved face.

"I am sorry that I worried you all! I didn´t mean to do it! I just needed some time for myself." I said sadly.

"Bella, it´s okay! You don´t have to apologize to us! We understand it. But next time, please let us know where you run!" Carlisle said to me and looked me in the eyes. I just nodded.

"Where is Nessie?" I heard Rose asked behind me.

"At the Reservation with Jake! They will be here soon too!" I told her.

"Where is Emmett?" I didn´t smell him and heard a few chuckles from my family.

"Well?" I raised a brow at them.

"I told Emmett before that the truck he ordered was too old and wouldn´t make it but obviously he wanted to beat me. We made a bet!" Rose said smug.

"The motor broke outside from Forks!" Carlisle shrugged with a smile.

"After the furniture in the other truck was out, I drove back to Emmett so he could move everything out and into the other truck." Rose explained.

"Why nobody got there to help him?"

"Oh we wanted to but Rose said no! She had told Emmett but still he refused to listen." Esme soothed me.

"Yes! You must have seen her face! She was more intimidating than Esme!" I just shook my head at Carlisle and my family laughed around me before we all got back to work.

During our cleaning and rearranging the furniture in the old rooms, I drifted to my thoughts again. Now and then I would glance towards Edward´s old room which was now Nessie´s and Jake´s. Esme had made it twice bigger than before and it was now almost an apartment. Nothing remembered to Edward´s room anymore except the windows. I sighed deeply before I heard a truck outside.

_Emmett…_

I smiled and let the brush fall back into the light brown color pot on the floor and quickly walked out to be met with a sulking Emmett but his eyes lit up as he saw me and quickly moved the past few steps to me. I threw my arms around his neck and sighed as I let Emmett whirl me around.

"Baby sis! Don´t you ever worry me again so much!" Emmett spoke into my hair. I could hear his relieve too and saw Rose smiling at me as she came to us.

"Group hug!" she asked and was quickly engulfed from Emmett in a big crashing bones hug too.

After Emmett let go of us, we settled back inside.

Everyone was busy, working on the house. But we did it in human pace to enjoy it more.

I heard Rosalie upstairs sing a song with Emmett as they packed their furniture and things out in their room. I could practically see them dancing to the slow humming Rose sang. Occasionally I heard Rose giggle as Emmett did something funny. Esme was downstairs in the finish kitchen and cooked for Nessie and Jake. Carlisle was on the phone for a while. Eleazar probably! That could be a long phone call.

I smiled softly to myself but since Edward died, my happiness had died with him and so my laughing. I couldn´t laugh anymore. It was really as if someone had stolen it from my face.

I know I would never be as happy as I was with Edward and I accepted it a long time before. I don´t believed in a mate. Not for me, for my family yes but never for me.

I was okay with it, I had to and I had my family around me and that was all I could ask for.

I didn´t care what the future would bring as long as my family was safe and with me.

The next morning came soon. It was still too early for the sun to fully rose and a few stars could be seen at the sky as I sat in the clearing where we always used to play baseball. The mist still lingered over the ground and the wetness in the air was wonderful. It was silent and the magic of this place and these mountains which surrounded me would never compare to any other place I would live in.

_This was home…_

I had still a few hours until Nessie and Jake would wake up. Carlisle was again working in the hospital like before when I met him for the first time. Esme would work in the architecture office in Port Angeles and Nessie and I would be going back to school. Rose chose to work in a work shop together with Jake while Emmett heard that the school searched for an assistant coach whom he thought was fun.

So after a few hours we were on our ways.

Emmett, Nessie and I drove together to school. As we passed house after house I saw Forks for the first time after hundred years. But thought that the time hadn´t changed a thing in the secret places our family had, the time had changed the place I had once lived with my family and friends when I was still human at all and were no longer the same. Forks was so different now but most of all, it was bigger.

After a hundred years, families grew or moved in.

_So different…_

Emmett parked his jeep in a strange familiar parking lot as if that was possible after a hundred years. The school had grown and a few more buildings had attached to it.

As we got out, everyone was looking at us. Like always!

"Yo kids! I am your new coach!" Emmett hollered and I heard Nessie giggle. I just rolled my eyes and shook my head as I walked away from Emmett and Nessie.

"What?" I heard him ask Nessie before they followed me inside.

_Let the show begin…_

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><p>A new story from me. I already have a few chapters which I will soon upload if you wanna read them. Write me some reviews, anything that came in your minds, because I really want to know what you all think about this chapter.<br>Oh and please overlook my wrong spelling somehow because I am really not that good in english grammar and I don´t have a beta so far.  
><em><strong>-Reviewer will get a teaser of the next chapter!-<strong>_


	2. Visitors

**A/N:** Since tomorrow is _"Nikolaus"_ in germany, I want to give you a present too. The second chapter! I wanted to wait a few days but I am in a good mood right now. So here it is...  
>Finally some Jasper!<p>

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><p>Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight<br>Rating: **M** (_for sexual contents, don´t read if you are under 18_)  
>Pairing: JasperBella

**Where the heart is**

**Chapter 2: **Visitors

Bella POV

Six month had passed since we had moved back to Forks. But when you are a vampire, time loose its meaning. I hardly had contact to anything other than my family or La Push, sometimes although it was still awkward because the people in the reservation, at least the pack members were hostile against me. It was so different from Sam´s pack. I had known them while I was human and they had known me.

This pack now only accepted Jake and Nessie, even Carlisle didn´t speak with them anymore. It was Jake´s part in the family now to do it. So after a few weeks I lessened my visits down there and in the end only Nessie and Jake continued to go there. But we would meet the pack sometimes on our hunting trips. But still, the La Push from my human life wasn´t there anymore. _I missed it..._

I had a constant routine every day. Mostly I would leave in the night and sit in our meadow or the clearing until morning. Sometimes one member of my family would come and join me, mostly Nessie.

It was at one of these days while Nessie had joined me, that my whole world changed but I didn´t knew that at that moment.

I was sitting in the grass with Nessie and made a wreath for her beautiful long hair.

"Today was so boring momma! This Newton guy _´Patrick` _is like a puppy. He is my lab partner and if he were a dog, believe me, he would have drooled the whole table. He is so _disgusting_. You are lucky that you are faking a senior and are finish soon." I smiled at that. Faint memories of my high school in Forks came back into my mind.

"You know Nessie that your boyfriend _**is**_ a dog!" I teased her and nudged her shoulder.

"Momma! Jake isn´t just a ´_dog_`. He is a wolf and the meaning of my life. My soul mate, my imprint, my…!"

"Okay, okay! I get it! But obviously the puppy gen from the Newton´s is still in their family." I said and watched the clouds above us for a second before I braided the last flower in the ring and looked at the finish piece intently.

"What do you mean?" Nessie rolled over and rested her head on her left arm and was watching me now. I put the wreath on her head and knot a few strands of her hair around it to hold it in place and smiled.

"Just let´s say that when I was human, there was a friend of me, Mike…_Newton_!" I gave her a knowing look.

"Oh my God! No! Really…was he…!" Nessie couldn´t finish her sentence as I heard faint footsteps and rustling noises. The wind blew three different scents towards us and I stiffened. Nessie smelled them too and we sprang to our feet. _That can´t be good!_

I pushed Nessie behind me and looked intently around the clearing, waiting for their arrival. I was alone with Nessie and they were three, maybe skilled fighter but probably human drinker. The only vegeterians beside us were the Denali´s so I was hundred percent sure of it.

I was scared and nervous by now because I never had to face other vampires alone. The only time I was alone with a strange vampire was when James attacked me in the ballet studio while I was human and Laurent in the meadow of course. _What should I do?_

Running was not an option, they were already too close. As I heard a crack from a branch on the forest line, east from us, my head turned in the direction and I saw them walking out. _Oh my god!_

They were two males and a female. My eyes scanned them quickly and what I saw scared me even more.

The female was small with really thick long pale blond hair. Her sharp eyes were fixed on me. The male, closest to her was well built and had blond hair that was almost silver. It was really a strange color. The last one, who walked a little beside them, was blond too, but he was taller and had a medium build. His hair was a mess of curly golden honey blond locks which fell to just above his collar and into his face.

But what held my gaze the most was his skin. It was absolutely covered in scars, spaced most thickly together on his neck and jaw, at least where I could see his skin.

_Terrifying…_

With him I must be careful the most.

The other two had scars as well but not as much as this man. It was obvious that they had fought many times. They had been in more fights than I could imagine, and they'd never lost.

A horrified déjà vu came into my mind as I thought back to my first baseball game with the Cullen´s. _Panic_, full panic rose inside me. Instinctively I stepped back and bumbed against Nessie.

_Out, I need to get out of here with Nessie!_

I felt her hand grab my shirt in a death grip. She was scared too as she overlooked them and showed me a picture with these scars.

My breathing was quick as they came closer, _too close_. I crouched down defensively and barred my teeth as a warning.

They stopped abruptly and stared at us with curiosity.

_What will they do next?_

_What should I do next?_

I will never be able to get out alive here with Nessie when I had to fight. I am not a fighter in any way. I never fought. _Never!_

I just played around with my family. Edward couldn´t stand it as I tried one time to fight him and he stopped it abruptly. Nessie couldn´t fight at all too. She just didn´t want it. Doesn´t matter how often Jake asked Nessie that he would teach her. She refused every time.

We are vampires, but that didn´t mean you can everything from the start and if I looked over to them I knew very well we don´t have a chance.

_Panic!_

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An ice cold shudder ran down my spine as my eyes focused on their scars again and I tried to step back a little more with Nessie still behind my back.

_Run…_

Everything in me screamed to run as I looked back and forth between the three strangers and the save trees behind me, desperate to find a way out alive. I could hear Nessie´s quick heartbeat as it vibrated through her chest. Her breathing matched mine while we looked over the clearing.

"Hello!" I heard the male say, who stood close to the woman and my head turned to him.

"I am Peter! This is Charlotte...and Jasper!" he gestured to the other two as I watched them. I could practically hear another voice over his and a memory came into my mind. It was foggy but still with a strong emotion.

_I am Laurent, and this is Victoria…and James._

I shuddered at the memory. It was the beginning of a long painful journey.

"I am Bella and this is Renesmee!" I said quickly back.

"Hello!" he said with a smile and bowed his head to us and the other two nodded at the mention of their names.

"Hi!" Nessie´s voice was small and barely audible.

"I hope you don´t mind if we pass through this area. Are you claiming it? Maybe we can take a bite? We are a little bit hungry and saw a town over there!" as he asked me if they could kill someone in Forks, I was shocked. I couldn´t let them come here. Than the wolves would fight, Jake would fight. I would lose him maybe. Jake would maybe die and I can´t lose another member of my family. Nessie would never ever be the same. She would be like me…_broken_! I hadn´t answered them yet but Nessie did.

"NO!" Nessie wanted to step in front of me but I stopped her and pushed her back behind me.

"No!" I repeated Nessie´s word. "You can´t hunt here ever!"

Protectiveness awoke in me as I thought about the outcome if they would kill those people. The treaty would break with the Quileute and Jake would be so torn. Maybe he wouldn´t even be welcome in La Push anymore because Jake would stay beside Nessie which meant on our side. The protectiveness got mixed with my anger at them now. A low rumble begun to rise in my chest.

I saw the tall one with the curly hairs, _Jasper the other had said_, frowning at me. His eyes got darker.

_Not good!_

The rumble grew into a growl and I crouched down even more, ready to fight them. I couldn´t let them slaughter my hometown. _Am I suicide?_

_Probably… _

A wave of calm hit me and my anger disappeared quickly, too quickly! There was something wrong with them! They must have some gifts.

_Shit!_

Skilled gifted fighter! Even more dangerous!

I saw that Jasper guy spoke silently to Peter and curiosity rose in me as I watched their conversation.

As he looked back to me for a second, the wind blew his hair out of his face and I registered for the first time his face fully. _Oh. My. God...!_

I gasped at his beauty. Never in my whole existence had I seen someone as beautiful as him. Not even Edward could compare to this strange vampire with this many scars. They covered his face too but for some reason was he the most beautiful man I ever saw.

From his golden blond mop had a single curly lock fallen back into his face now. His forehead was in a deep frown and I was for a moment mesmerized as he stood quietly beside Peter, his hands clapped together behind his back.

Something warm and so foreign grew inside me as I watched this male vampire speaking while he still looked at us occasionally with his blood red eyes. His stance was so strong and he looked like a wild animal that was playing calm. Every muscle was tense in his body. It was as if I could almost feel it.

I could feel Nessie´s fingernail scratching my skin as she buried them deeper into my skin. She felt that something was wrong with me.

I felt like my body had its own mind for a second as I made a step towards them but Nessie held tightly onto me and that was all to bring me back.

I shook my head to focus. The fog around my head vanished and I could think normal again. I couldn´t tell if that was some gift of them or not but it made me even more cautious.  
>The female, <em>Charlotte<em>, just played with her hair while she watched us with a smile on her lips. In her hair were many leafs and small branches.

It reminded me too much to Victoria. Everything reminded me to the baseball game from decades ago -dirty clothes, no shoes, disheveled hairs with dirt, branches and leaves sticking in their hair and on their skin as well.

They were nomads of course but the situation is so similar it scared me.

"What do you want?" I asked still in a crouch but my voice trembled a little bit at the end. My whole body vibrated as my muscles twitched and tensed every now and then. And for some reason did this Jasper distract me.

"What is she?" I heard Charlotte say as she pointed to Nessie. Anger and protectiveness washed over me thousand times stronger than I ever felt before.

"If you touch her I kill you all!" I growled with so much hate I wasn´t aware I had that in me. I was ready to slaughter them and kill myself in the process just to save my daughter. I pushed Nessie even more away from them towards the woods while I moved with her.

I felt her hand on my cheek and a picture flashed into my head. It was from this Jasper and how he stared at me. Confusion was clearly shown on Nessie´s face. I just shook my head at it as I still looked at the three strangers.

"I don´t know Nessie!" I answered her and the three vampires exchanged looks. They hadn´t heard a single word from her.

"We will not harm her! You have our words!" the woman said.

"Words from strangers who want to kill the people in my home here!" I stated coldly. Since I lost Edward I didn´t trust others easily. Only my family and friends, never strangers.

"We will not harm them if you wish!" the blond one, Jasper, said with a strange growl. His voice sounded even more amazing than any other voice. I tried to focus but couldn´t stop the shudder that spread over my body as he spoke.

"I don´t know you and that means I can´t trust you at all. I am sorry!" was my answer at that. That obviously pissed the blond one of.

"A Whitlock never breaks his word!" he hissed darkly at me and gave me such an angry look that scared me but at the same time his growl exited me and _that_ scared the shit out of me even more. He was really intimidating as he stood there and stared me down and he knew it.

My body started to tremble even more as my fear grew stronger. Nessie whimpered lightly at that. The other male vampire, _Peter_, touched his shoulder briefly and Jasper stopped his growling but not his glare.

He then turned towards me and watched me for a moment before something dawned on him.

"Are you one from the Olympic Coven?" Peter said suprised and smiled.

I frowned but nodded.

"Yes!" I still glared at them, wanted them to show that I wasn´t afraid but inside I was terrified.

"How is Carlisle?" he asked me with a bright smile. _How did he know him?_

"He is fine!" with that I came out of my crouch and turned towards Nessie.

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.

.

Kissing her cheek, I gave her a loving smile. I needed Nessie out of this place.

"Nessie, sweetheart, can you run back home please and tell our family where I am. Tell them I need Carlisle! Can you do that for me, hm?" I said calmly. _Why was I so calm?_

"Momma…!" I shushed her. It took already everything in me to let her run back home alone but she must go. I don´t trust them and don´t want to bring them to our home. What if they were lying? I learned from my past that trust is something you have to earn.

I quickly took her face in my hands as tears welled up in her eyes and her lips quivered.

"I am alright! Nothing will happen! Obviously they know Carlisle!" I tried to convince her but didn´t believe a word that I said. Nessie nodded with a tortured face.

"I love you momma!" she whispered into my neck and let go of me before she ran as quickly as possible away.

I know very well how she felt at the moment and what was running through her mind. She had witnessed it too as the Volturi killed Edward. I stared a while longer at the place where she had disappeared, her footsteps, heartbeat and her cries faded until I couldn´t hear them anymore. I was worried about her and wanted nothing more than to follow her.

"What…? She…?" I turned back with a frown as I heard the female stutter.

"She isn´t human, not entirely!" I answered shortly and sat down on the ground and waited for Carlisle to come.

The three matched my move a few yards away and waited with me. Charlotte was sitting on Peter´s lap and giggled as he whispered something into her ear. Obviously she was his mate. Rose would do that a lot when strangers visited us. I never did that. I know that Edward and I weren´t mates and our bond was not like that but we loved each other deeply. The whole in my chest wanted to break open again as I thought about him but a strong wave of calm washed over me.

"Stop it!" the three of them looked back at me.

"I don´t know who is doing that but stop it. I don´t need any calm now. I don´t need it _ever_!" I said the last word quieter. The loneliness crept back into my heart and I breathed in and out.

Out of my vision I saw Jasper scrunching his face as if he was in pain. This vampire was really strange and I looked quickly at the sky. The clouds soothed me sometimes. They were thick and fluffy but so white. I just stared at them but didn´t let the strangers out of my sight. Peter played with Charlotte´s hair and tugged here and there small leaves out of it.

I tried not to look at Jasper over there and it got harder with every minute while we waited. Something at him draws me in. It was subtle but it was there.

And I don´t liked it!

As much as his beauty stunned me, he scared me even more!

I heard Peter chuckle and looked towards him. But he didn´t watch me, instead his eyes were on Jasper.

Peter´s amused face confused me. But he quickly stopped his doing when Jasper looked his way with such a stern and angry look it would have scared the devil himself.

Finally I heard running footsteps, bomming noises and dark growling while I heard Carlisle called ´_Emmett calm down_` but it got on deaf ears obviously. I saw Peter, Charlotte and Jasper sprang to their feet as well as me.

Emmett burst out of the trees in that moment with a loud warning growl like a fury lightning and the three tensed up visibly. I know he can appear very burly and intimidating to others who don´t know him. Emmett´s face was an angry mask as he stomped quickly over to where I was, his eyes fixed to the strangers until he stood in front of me and looked me up and down.

"Bells are you alright? Nessie was in tears as she said you were with some strange vampires!" Emmett was someone, you wouldn´t like to deal with. If someone messed with his girls or someone from his family, he would hunt them down. He was in every way my big brother and I loved him with everything I have. His devotion towards us all was now showing on his face.

I touched his cheek as I saw his worried and sad eyes.

Edward´s death had not only left scars on me and Nessie. Our whole family had them.

I just nodded and felt relieved now that my family was here. He engulfed me in one of his strong bear hugs and I heard a low vibrating growl coming from one of the strangers and saw it was the blond male, Jasper. It was subtle but I heard it.

Emmett immediately looked towards him and I was glad that in that moment Carlisle walked out of the trees. Emmett shoved me protectively behind his back, waiting until Carlisle was beside us.

"Bella! Everything alright?" he said as well and as he saw me, relieve was shown on his face too.

"I am okay Carlisle!" he turned towards the three vampires and finally smiled.

"Peter! Charlotte!" he greeted them friendly and walked over.

"Hello Carlisle! Long time…long time!" Peter said and they closed the distance as well.

As Carlisle looked at Jasper, Peter introduced him as well.

"Carlisle, maybe I should bring Bella back! Nessie is really worried and Jake can´t calm her! She…!" I gasped and let go of him. A lightning shock ran through me. It was as if I could hear her cries all the way to me suddenly.

_Renesmee…_

My eyes were wide and Carlisle nodded quickly.

But I ignored him and vanished without another word into the forest.

_She needs me…_

My baby needs me. My heart broke even more to know that Nessie cried because of me. A sob escaped me and I barely registered Emmett behind me.

As I ran through the trees I could already hear Nessie´s crying and Jake´s soothing voice as well as Rose´s and Esme´s.

But doesn´t matter what they said or did, my Nessie cried harder. I had vowed to myself as Edward died that I would do everything in me to never let Nessie cry. And now it happened again. And for that I hated the three strangers.

"I shouldn´t have left her there. Momma is alone! I can´t lose her too! I can´t!" she wailed and her cries broke my heart even more.

"Shh…please don´t cry Nessie!" Jake whispered into her ear.

"Emmett and Carlisle are there sweetie!" Esme said lovingly.

"Nothing will happen with Bella! You know Emmett!" Rose tried to sooth her.

"I am coming Nessie! Don´t cry baby!" I called out but everyone was too busy with Nessie to register me.

I tried to run faster and jumped over everything that was in my way until I finally broke through the last trees and saw them kneeling together on the ground, holding a crying Nessie in front of the house. Nessie was in Jake´s lap and he rocked her back and forth as she held onto him for dear life. Tear after tear run down her beautiful face.

"Nessie!" I sobbed and everyone looked up in relieve.

"MOMMA!" she cried and sprang to her feet and ran towards me. I quickly embraced her into my arms and hold her as we sank to our knees.

"I was so afraid momma! I wanted to stay with you! Did they hurt you momma?" I stroke her hair and gave her kisses where her tears still streamed down her beautiful face.

My family came to me and I saw the relief in their faces as they sat down as well and the shock finally faded away slowly.

"No! I was just scared sweetheart! I wanted you to leave! If something would have happen than to me not to you." I said after a moment.

"Momma no…!" I shushed her and kissed her forehead.

I felt a hot hand on my cheek and looked up in the sad but relieved eyes from Jake. He smiled at me and placed a kiss on my head.

"I-We don´t know what would happen with us if someone had hurt you Bella!" he said.

"I am alright Jake!" I whispered before we went back into our house.

We were now sitting around the living room waiting for Carlisle as we finally heard him coming. Laughing about something before the door opens and I stiffen slightly.

Carlisle came in with _them_.

Everybody was still tense but as soon as they saw Carlisle´s relaxed posture almost everyone did too, except for Jake, me and Rose. She glared at them with great intensity.

Immediately, Esme stood up and came to Carlisle to welcome them. I just ignored them and instead looked at Nessie which had fallen asleep. Her head was in my lap and the rest of her was curled up on Jake which eyed the three visitors sharply. I stroke Nessie´s long bronze curls and continue to hum her lullaby. It was now soothing me as the three strangers stood now in my home. I didn´t like it one bit.

Carlisle began to introduce each of them to my family now.

"These are Peter, his mate and wife Charlotte and this is Jasper, the leader of their coven!" they said their hellos to us before Carlisle continued.

"Since our last meeting Peter, my family has grown a lot. This is my dear wife and mate Esme." He said lovingly and brought his arm around her waist, kissing her temple.

"Hello!" Esme said lovingly.

"It is such a pleasure to meet you Esme! I have always wished him someone!" Peter said and if Esme could blush, she would.

"And these here are my children. You already met Emmett before." They nodded.

"Sorry man about before but nobody mess with my family!" he joked.

Peter smiled at that.

"This here is my daughter and Emmett´s mate and wife Rosalie."

"Hello!" Rose was still pissed off at them because they scared us to death. Jasper eyed her strangely.

"Over there is my other daughter Bella which you met before, as well as my granddaughter Renesmee. And this is my other son and Renesmee´s _imprint_ Jacob Black." Carlisle continued proudly.

Peter, Charlotte and Jasper sat down on the long couch with Esme and Carlisle after that.

.

.

.

.

"Your family had grown since I saw you the last time Carlisle!" Peter said in awe and Carlisle began laughing.

"Yeah you can say that Peter! When you consider, that we were just two at the time as we met you…yes my family has grown!"

"How do you know them Carlisle?" Rose asked.

"We met them shortly after Edward´s transformation. But it was just Peter and Charlotte at the time. They told us their story about the South and the wars and that they had ran away. We quickly became great friends. We lived together for almost a decade." He said with a smile.

"Yeah and don´t forget how you and Edward tried to convince us all the time to change to animal blood!" Charlotte laughed and Emmett followed loudly.

"Oh it was a great time! Especially Edward! This guy always gave me a great laugh!" Peter chuckled.

_Edward…_

I felt Jake´s hand on mine before he squeezed it lightly and Esme looked over to me. My family would do that a lot when Edward´s name would fell in some discussion or when they had the urge to speak about him. I looked in Jake´s eyes and could read everything in them. I gave him a sad smile and leaned my head against his big shoulder. I know with Jake by my side, nothing will harm me. He was and is always my sun.

Every time when I heard them speak about Edward, my heart broke and I winced slightly but Jake held my hand.

"Carlisle and Edward helped us so much and we had much fun back then!" Charlotte said smiling at a memory.

And they began to tell us stories about their time. I heard my family laughing at some point but I never did. I zooned out. I heard it of course but it was far away for me. I couldn´t find it in me to picture me Edward at the moment. If I would now, I would ruin everything for my family and the three visitors. So I just sat beside Jake and watched Nessie sleep, trying to stay numb and don´t let it overwhelm me. I never looked at our visitors but I could feel eyes on me all the time. And I felt the strong emotion to look up. With every minute this feeling inside me got stronger as if someone had an invisible hand under my chin, pushing it up. I tried to fight it, so I concentrate back on the conversations.

"...and I think it was a few weeks after you two left that Charlotte and I went back to the south to search for Jasper! I knew that he..." the voices faded again until Jasper spoke for the first time.

"Yes that´s right! As I saw Peter again, I was curious why he had come back!" Jasper hadn´t said much since he come here and for some reason did I listen intently when he spoke.

"He came straight to me without any fear and ask if I want a better life!"

His voice was so warm and soothing and something inside me wanted to listen to him all the time. As I couldn´t fight the urge to hold my gaze on Nessie any longer, the invisible hand was pushing my chin up against my will and as my eyes looked up as well, they were held in the intense stare of Jasper. I couldn´t look away and I saw his eyes darken a little. The warm feeling I had in the clearing grew even stronger now and was running through my whole body as it broke out into an fire. His intense stare let an imagine blush creeping over my skin and spread over every part of me. I even felt it in my toes so intense was it. Jake´s hand was at the moment the same temperature as my skin. Or so I thought.

It was as if Jasper´s eyes could look into the depts of my soul, could see every scar inside me, every hidden feeling.

"So you three are a coven?" Emmett stated and Jasper´s gaze let go of me to look at my brother.

"Yes! We are!" he answered calmly with a hint of a smile and as soon as I saw it I wanted to see more.

"Call us the Whitlock´s." Peter said proudly and punched his chest and Charlotte chuckled.

"Is your man always like that?" Rose bent forward and whispered to Charlotte who mimicked her.

"Always!" and both rolled their eyes knowingly.

"Cave man and idiotic ideas!" pointing on the other husband as both spoke at the same time and began to laugh.

"Hey I heard that!" Peter said with a fake hurt in his voice.

"Me too Rosie!" I smiled as I saw Emmett´s trying to look stern at his Rosie but failed miserably.

"It´s alright my monkey man!" she patted his chest and kissed him.

Rose´s anger at them had washed away quickly after that while Charlotte settled into Peter and he held her close to himself.

"Can I ask you a question?" Charlotte asked me. I was still looking at Rose and Emmett and was shocked that someone spoke now with me. So I turned my head to her in utterly suprise.

"Go ahead!" I said and was curious what she wanted to know from me that my family hadn´t said already.

"What is she?" her chin pointed towards Nessie.

"She is my daughter!" I said lovingly as I looked down at her.

"Maybe I can explain it for Bella!" Carlisle broke off his conversation with Jasper and looked towards me, asking me silently and I nodded.

"Bella got pregnant from Edward while she was still human! She and Edward met in high school here in Forks and fell in love. She almost died by giving birth to Renesmee. Edward changed her immediately. Nessie as we call her is half human and half vampire! As you hear, she has a heartbeat and like a human, blood in her veins. This wonderful creature is really amazing. She can eat and drink human food as well as blood. Her skin is not cold like our skin and it didn´t sparkle but it shines like a glow in the sun. It is subtle and gave her the opportunity to be more human than us…"

"And she blushes a lot! You must try that out!" Emmett interrupted Carlisle and laughed.

"EMMETT!" Esme, Rose and I said in union.

"What? It´s the same like when you were human Bells! You know how much I loved to tease you! Sadly you lost your clumsy style!" if I could blush now I would and I saw Jasper watching me again.

"Like I said, Nessie is such a lovely creature. You will love her too! When she was born, Jacob imprinted on her. He is a werewolf and a member of the Quileute too, down at the reservation in La Push. His family and Bella´s dad were very close. It must look odd to you that a werewolf lives together with us but he is a part of the family like every other one. He is like a son to me." Carlisle continues his speech and smiled at Jake. Jake nodded and smiled back at Carlisle.

"Sadly we lost Edward a long time ago! Irina a friend from our family in Denali believed that Nessie was an immortal child and ran to the Volturi. Her action was more due heartbreak and sadness. She was family but she couldn´t forgive us that we killed her friend. She claimed him as her mate but Edward didn´t believed that. But that is another story that Bella can maybe tell you better one time." I was shocked about that. I don´t want to share any stories with them, ever. Carlisle continued after that.

"They came all the way from Italy to see if it was true and as they saw that Nessie wasn´t an immortal child, they killed Irina. But Aro had read Edward´s thoughts and knew now that Bella was human when Edward told her about us. They immediately killed him for it. That was now over hundred years ago." After Carlisle had spoken the last word, silence fell over us and it freaked me out. I couldn´t handle that now.

"I am sorry! We are very sorry to hear about your loss!" I looked up and saw Peter looked at us all.

"Edward was a great friend! A really great friend!" he said sadly with a tortured face.

"Yes and so much more!" Carlisle murmured. I felt eyes on me and a wave of understanding and sorry hit me and I looked up to Jasper. He gave me a small nod

"I am sorry for your loss Bella!" his eyes were hard and intense as he spoke to me. Everyone was silent at his words and was now looking at me.

"Thank you!" I said in a quiet whisper and my eyes fell back to Nessie.

I stroked her hair again and she stirred. Her heartbeat went faster and she finally opened her beautiful chocolate brown orbs to me and looked directly into my eyes.

"I dreamt of you momma!" she mumbled sleepily and gave me a smile before she took in her surroundings.

As her eyes fell back on our visitors, her heartbeat quickened a little.

Jake helped her sitting up as she looked at first at him and me and then to the rest of our family.

"Peter and Charlotte are old friends from Carlisle, sweetheart." Jake said in her ear and she nodded.

"I never met someone like you Renesmee!" Charlotte said fascinating.

"I hear that a lot!" she smiled and Charlotte stood up and walked over to her to sit by her side.

"Oh babe! Now you abandon me!" Peter mocked hurt and held his chest.

"Oh Peter! You are such a baby!" at that Nessie laughed loudly and we all smiled. I even could see Jasper´s lips twitched.

After that we all separated in different directions. Emmett took Peter into the games room and Charlotte followed Rose into her room. Jake was tired and went upstairs. Nessie wanted to finish the scrapbook with me before she followed him. So now it was just Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, Nessie and me in the living room.

Nessie and I sat at the floor on the other side of the living room and were working on the last pages of our newest scrapbook while Esme, Carlisle and Jasper sat still on the couch talking.

"Momma?" Nessie whispered slightly in my ear as she cut some pink flower from the paper. She had stopped her doings from time to time and stared intently at Jasper.

"What?" I whispered back as well.

She touched my cheek with her warm hand and I saw Jasper´s scars. Obviously she was really curious.

"I don´t know honey!" I whispered and looked at Nessie but she had still an eye on him and when Jasper would look at her, she would quickly continue her cutting.

"What do you want to ask me Renesmee?" I heard Jasper´s deep voice and both Nessie and I looked at him as if someone had caught us with something forbidden. I heard her heart quicken and if mine would beat it would match hers too.

"Um…I…um…!" Nessie stuttered as she was trying to find the words.

"Yes?" he still looked her way and waited patiently that Nessie would speak.

I took her hand that lay beside me to encourage her.

"W-Why do you have these scars?" she asked hesitantly. He looked at her for a moment and Nessie got really nervous. She started to play again with her necklace.

"Well, I fought with other vampires! I got them as they tried to kill me!" he said shortly.

"Did that answer your question?" she nodded quickly but it seemed he wasn´t finish.

"But you are still curious!"

"How do you know that?"

"Because I have the ability to both feel and manipulate the emotions around me, little girl!"

"I am not little!" she pouted with a frown.

"So! Ask me!"

"Um…do they hurt? I mean those scars!"

"Not anymore! But yes…it hurt to get them but it´s nothing compared to other things I lived through!"  
>"Oh okay! Thank you!" was all Nessie said and went back to the scrapbook. Something at his speech made me wonder about this man. Before he turned back to Carlisle, he quickly glanced at me.<p>

I heard Carlisle talk with Jasper for a long time while Nessie and I finished our scrapbook and went upstairs after it. Nessie kissed my cheek and disappeared in her room which she shared with Jake and I went to the library for once. Normally I would now run to the meadow but for some reason I wanted to stay at home. Through the walls I could hear Nessie say a goodnight to Jake before she fell asleep as well. I was glad that they had each other.

* * *

><p>"We would love if you all would stay! You are very welcome in our home as long as you want!" said Esme as she came back to Carlisle. I was still in the library and read for the thousandth time Emily Brontë´s Wuthering Heights as I heard Esme´s request. I had stopped my reading as I intently listened to Jasper answer now. I was shocked at Esme but if I thought about it, she would of course ask.<p>

"Thank you Mrs. Cullen! We would love that!" I heard Jasper´s soft voice.

"Please call me Esme! We are friends!" she laughed.

"Thank you Esme!"

I still had not continued with my reading. My vampire mind was too occupied at the moment than to continue to read the arguing between Cathy and Heathcliff about his right to kiss Isabella in chapter eleven. The only thing in my thoughts was that they would stay. _He_ would stay…the man who irritates me so much!

I heard footsteps coming towards the library and as the door opened I saw Carlisle coming in.

"Can I speak with you Bella, in private?" he smiled. I was still a little shocked but nodded. I think I know what Carlisle wanted from me.

"Yes! Of course Carlisle!" I gave him a smile and followed him downstairs.

Jasper still sat on the couch with Esme. She was telling him about our family in Denali and as Carlisle passed them, Jasper looked at me for a moment and the warm feeling came back again. I quicken my steps until I was out in the garden where Carlisle awaited me. When had I walked so slowly?

We walked silently through Esme´s garden. The moon was so bright and the stars sparkled in so many colors above us.

As we had reached the trees Carlisle and I sat on the huge tree trunk, he finally broke the silence.

"I know you heard Esme´s request as well and I am sure that you are not okay with it." He was watching me as I overlooked the house. Light shone in different rooms and I saw movements from my family but I could not hear them talk, laugh or sleep. I sighed deeply as I felt Carlisle´s hand on mine.

"Bella I know it is difficult for you to accept any other vampire around us, especially strangers! Edward´s death had changed you in so many ways." I looked at him.

"So? Of course it changed me Carlisle! My whole being isn´t the same anymore. How could I be the same person? Edward is gone! He will never come back. _Never_!" The last word came out in a whisper.

"But the person you were before Edward died is still inside you Bella." I looked Carlisle directly into the eyes as he said that.

"I-I don´t know!" I averted his eyes and looked at my hands which lay now in my lap.

"Peter is an old friend from me as well as Charlotte. I trust them Bella, and Jasper too. I may heard about him in the past; let's just say if he is Peter´s best friend than I trust Jasper even more." I frowned at that and wanted to ask what Carlisle meant with that.

"You know him? Jasper I mean!" I wonder.

"No! Just what I heard about him and what he told me before! From the Volturi I heard about him as well as from Peter. But Peter never told us his name when he spoke about him before. Bella…he is a good man!" Carlisle looked at me but I didn´t say a word. He sighed deeply.

"I know you are frightened to lose us but I would never let any strangers into my home if I knew they would harm us! You know that, right?" It was hard for Carlisle to see me like that.

"I know that Carlisle! I will always accept your choice! Peter is your friend and was Edward´s. I trust you with my life. I always have. If they want to stay with us, they can. I will try. But don´t expect anything from me Carlisle." I pleaded.

"That is all I am asking for Bella!" he smiled and touched my cheek.

"But what you said about the person I was before – the old Bella, doesn´t matter if she is still there or not, it will not change anything. I will never be the same. I am broken and nothing can fix me. I know Edward and I were not mates like you and Esme but that doesn´t mean it don´t hurt lesser. Maybe one day!"

"Bella I am sure that you will heal! You already do! But you are right! Of course it hurts but believe me if I say that if you would lose your mate, it had killed you in the same moment. You would have wanted to die and nothing would have stopped you. Not even Nessie!"

"So what now?"

"Let every day come and go! Enjoy other things. Maybe visit some places with Rose or Nessie. A change is always good!" I smiled at him. Carlisle knows how to speak with me.

"Thank you Carlisle! For everything!"

"You are my daughter Bella!" he kissed my forehead before he stood up. "Will you come back with me or stay here for a while?"

"Let me think a little before I join you!" with that Carlisle walked back inside the house.

I wonder what will happen, now that three human drinker stayed with us. Peter, Charlotte and Jasper. I thought about them for a while and about Carlisle´s words until I felt eyes on me again and I looked towards the house.

Jasper stood against the open glass door and his crimson eyes were boring into mine. His forehead was again in a frown as he studied me. I looked away and continue to stare at the sky. The sounds of everyone distracted me enough from Jasper who still watched me.

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><p>Soooo...that was my second chapter! Grammar still not changed to the better and I haven´t yet a beta! But how do you like it so far? Tell me! PLEASE! I wanna hear from you guys...<br>How do you like Jasper?  
><strong>Reviewer get a teaser!<strong>  
>The third one will come out on friday!<p>

hugs  
>starnosy<p> 


	3. Strange familiarity

**A/N:** So, here is the next chapter for you guys. I have found a beta for this story and can not be more grateful for it. I am so happy right now because it is really difficult for me to find my wrong spellings. I know I am rambling, so just one thing before the chapter comes...a HUGE, a really HUGE thank you goes to **B. Andd**, my beta! You are amazing.

* * *

><p>Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight<br>Rating: **M** _(for sexual contents, don´t read if you are under 18)_  
>Pairing: JasperBella

**Where the heart is**

**Chapter 3:** Strange familiarity

Bella POV

Again I lay in my special place deep in the forest, on top of the mountain. The clouds were so thick today that, even here,it´s impossible to have a little bit sunshine. I sighed and turned to the side. My eyes fell to the grass. It was already brown now, and the flowers were long gone. I let my fingers slip through it to distract me. All around me, the forest swelled with the signs of autumn— the golden aura, the first snows that dusted the jagged peaks, the leaves that turned red and gold and orange and a shimmering hue of yellowish-green.

Since my change, autumn had fascinated me immensely. The colors that would bring this season of the year to life and the rapid change of the nature were all really interesting to watch. With my human eyes it wasn´t possible to see such intense colors, and the spectrum of it still left me in wonder. The leaves on the trees were falling constantly in the last weeks and were dancing away in the thousands of scents, which filled the area in such strong ways, poured through the landscape; they were consuming me, drowning me in their intensity.  
>The earthy scent was heavy, wet, and soothing.<br>Wet leaves were scattered around in thick piles and I loved it to bury my hands and feet in it. To feel the different structures together, with the rough earth and the grass between my fingers and toes, was something I would never get tired of. That was the reason why I always ran without shoes, at least when I was alone. I needed to feel nature under my feet.

One of the few things I could remember of my human life was that, as a child, I was already in awe at the differences in the leaves or now, to see it with my perfect sight was an entirely different thing. I had to progress since I woke up to this new life.  
>I remembered how I sat for hours in the garden on the wet grass, just to watch the thousands of different shades of colors. As soon as Nessie could walk she was captured as well, but not very long;mostly because the bees and butterflies were distracting her enough to want to run after them.<br>Esme had explained every flower in her garden to me on one of the days we sat together in the grass.

_-Flashback-_

_"It is really overwhelming, honey! I remember the first time as I saw a meadow with flowers on our way home from a hunting trip somewhere. Carlisle couldn´t get me away and was, at first, worried about my finally calmed down as I smiled at him and we sat almost the whole day in that place. That was how I found out about my love for flowers and plants," she said in a soft voice.  
>I held a small daisy between my fingers and twirled it around. I was fascinated by the small, green bugs scattered around under the flower. Some of them sat over each other or would move a little bit over the upper one to be the first to the top.<br>"Greenflies," Esme named them. She didn´t like them and had scrunched up her face as she said their name. But I liked them. They were funny little things.  
>"One good thing has those greenflies-lady bugs! When you have greenflies, lady bugs are not far. And, believe me, they are fascinating," Esme laughed lightly.<br>We sat there with the scents of so many different kinds of plants surrounded us, creating the most amazing perfume notes humans would never smell.  
>"So much," was all I could say as I was again captured by another flower.<br>"It´s a Hulthemia rose is one of my favorites."_

_Rose… as in Rosalie…_

_I giggled at the comparison and held it to my nose.  
>"You know, most rose leaves are pinnate with three to seven leaflets, and have one is different, a simple leaf without stipules and a distinctive flower with a darker colored central zone. Just beautiful!"<br>"Really beautiful, and so different from all the others over there." This is the only one stood out from all the roses.  
>"This kind of roses grows in Iranian fields, and it is difficult to grow them in of that they are rarely cultivated."<br>Amazing…  
>The sweet, subtle scent was heavenly.<br>I was, for a moment, focused on this one until I saw Esme do something with her hands.  
>Curious I turned around and watched her twist and turn flower after flower into each other in a circle.<em>

_-End Flashback-_

That was the first time I saw a wreath. It was such a simple thing, but so beautiful. The way each flower was intertwined with the others was wonderful. After that day I made some for Nessie. I got always new ideas and made another one every day. I loved to sit with her in the summer sun and play with her hair.  
>Sometimes I would just braid flowers into her hair. Another day, I would capture her hair in a wonderful plait. But usually I would make her a wreath. She would look for different flowers around in the grass and I would make them into one wreath for her.<p>

With the boys, we made it into a little game. Who could bring us the most beautiful flowers so that Esme, Rose, and I could make a wreath. Mostly, it was Emmett and Jake. And Nessie was the one who had to choose which flowers would win.

In my first months as a vampire, Edward used these moments to write his new lullaby for Nessie. I knew it meant a lot to him to do that.

After Edward was gone, the time with the flowers was something only Nessie and I shared with each other. Sometimes Rose would join us, and Nessie loved to plait Rosalie´s blond hair. Mostly, it was just us. It helped me to cope with my pain.

.

.

.

I smelled him before he was in my sight. Why would he follow me? I don´t want him here. This was my place. Mine and Edward´s! He had no right to be here.  
>As I stood up he walked out of the forest and towards me. His face is blank as always, like a mask, it never gives away what he feels.<br>I had accepted them in my home because they are friends of Carlisle. But this is my private place I had shared with Edward. I do not want that any of them taint it.  
>"What do you want? Go away," I said harshly as anger rose in me.<br>_Leave…  
><em>My hands were clenched in fists and my whole body was tense. Jasper stopped there and looked around the meadow before his eyes turned to me.

"Esme sent me. She said she needs your help," he said. Again, a shudder ran down my spine as I heard his voice. I was shocked at how my body reacted to him. And I was confused to hear that he came because Esme wanted my help. Why? She knows that I can´t be alone with them and that I don´t like strangers in this place. Why would she do that?

For a second I was so lost in my thoughts that I forgot Jasper was here, too. Calm washed over me in a strong wave and I relaxed immediately.

"Don´t!" I choked out as I tried to push his calm out of me. Jasper just stared at me with his piercing red eyes. I literally stumbled backwards a few steps, his stare was so intense.  
><em>He is dangerous!<em> For some reason I can´t think when he is close. So I avoided him as much as possible.  
>I still kept my distance to all of them. And he never came to me before, just followed me with his eyes when I walked through the house.<p>

"Are you coming?" he asked as he tilted his head to the side a little.  
>"Yes," I answered and he turned around to run back. I quickly followed him.<p>

They had already stayed three months, but I couldn´t stop to worry. I think I was the only one besides Nessie.  
>Rose and Charlotte quickly became good friends and had much fun together since they both had the same interests.<br>After Emmett challenged Peter and Jasper to a wrestling match, the ice broke between them, too.

Jake was still hostile to them. He knew how hard it was for Nessie and eyed them sharply all the time and it seems they held their distance as well. Peter wouldn´t leave Charlotte alone with Jake and the same goes with Nessie. Jake was always by her side.

It went so far that I considered moving back to the cottage Edward and I got as a present, even if I would be alone. I hadn't been there since Edward died. But I would do it if it all becomes to much.

But Nessie surprised me as she tried to break the ice, at first with Charlotte. It took a while for her to be alone with Jasper and Peter, but as soon as she felt that they were no threat, she was okay around tense, but okay.  
>Nessie tried it after Esme wanted to speak to us during our hunting trip two weeks ago. She said that they really aren´t bad and would like some company.<p>

_-Flashback-_

_We were sitting on one of the huge boulders at the river. The water sparkled and churned as it threaded through the trees. The sun was high and the sunbeams filtered in through the dense canopy above us._

_Nessie watched the water in its millions of blue-green colors froth, falling into aquamarine pools of light. A wave shot over the rocks, glistening in the bright sun, and captured my sight until Esme broke the silence._

_"I wanted to speak with you both alone." Nessie turned around, but kept her hand in the water._

_My fingers played with the moss that covered the boulders as I listened to Esme.  
>"I know you two are very careful with strangers, but Charlotte, Peter, and, especially, Jasper are all really friendly and would love to know you, two better. They're really sorry for scaring you both so much," Esme said softly, and I could see the concern in her eyes.<br>Nessie sighed heavy.  
>"And I know that Jasper scares you the most. He looks intimidating I know; however the truth is that he is a very kind, polite, gallant and good person. Jasper and I spoke for a long time during the first day because I wanted to know him. And I found out he is really interesting. And I am sure he would love some new friendships, as well as you would. Give him a chance. Carlisle would not befriend him if he was a danger to our family." She smiled softly.<em>

_"But I am sure Carlisle already told you that. Am I right?" She touched my shoulder and I looked at her before I nodded._

_-End Flashback-_

Nessie took it to heart and felt bad for ignoring them, especially Jasper, so after that she joined Rose and Charlotte on a shopping trip in Port Angeles.

I, on the other hand, was not so open. Of course I spent time with Charlotte and sometimes I did spoke with Peter, he was really funny, but as soon as I tried to make conversations or walked towards Jasper, something blocked me and my emotions were in a whirlwind. Simply, I had to leave it at that.

My family would never push me, but the worried glances I got were sometimes too much. I ran away to have a little space.

Jasper was a mystery to me. Esme was right when she said that he can sometimes pass as cold, but he was that all the time to me. I never saw the kind and friendly person she described as we sat at the bolder. He was always distant towards me. I never heard him laugh, and doubted that he even could. But the biggest problem was that Jasper was always on my mind, and that confused me. I hadn´t had a real conversation with him yet, but he was always in somehow in my thoughts.  
>Peter and Charlotte were really a strange couple sometimes. I wouldn´t tell them yet, but I liked their company. Not for me, but for the sake of my family. I saw the change they had on everyone.<p>

But my heart wouldn´t give that away. I am not ready and I couldn´t change my worries. They existed since Edward was gone.  
>I sighed and ran towards our house. I could smell Jasper's scent as I passed tree after tree.<br>_I liked it a lot._

I stopped, shocked at the thought before I continued. I am loosing my mind. The sooner I move to the cottage the better it is.  
>His scent got stronger as I neared the house and I inhaled it deeply before I saw him sitting with Nessie on the grass. Jasper had his arms outstretched and his sleeves were pulled up. Nessie was looking intently at the scars on his arms for the hundredth of time, until I came through the trees and she saw me.<p>

Nessie jumped up and crossed the distance, smiling brightly. I could see Jasper pulling his sleeves down quickly before standing up as well. He looked tense. I got the feeling he was ashamed that I would see them. In the months they were here, Jasper had always fumbled on his clothes. Pushing his sleeves more over his hands and fixed his shirts around his collar. I didn't understood his reasons before until I found out why.  
>It had happened only once before, as I walked into the garden to find a few flowers. Jasper was sitting in the sitting area behind the house in the shadows, deeply engrossed in a book and wearing only a t-shirt. It was the first time I saw his full arms and I was shocked to see so many scars on them. And even more covered his neck. Before, I had only seen a little bit but now there was no barrier of clothes to cover his neck.<br>Of course, he felt my momentary shock and looked up from his book with wide eyes. I think he was as shocked to see me as I was to see him, because he quickly excused himself and went inside. I never had seen a vampire flew so quickly from a scene.  
>Later as I came back in after looking for some flowers, I saw him again in a long sleeved shirt. But his whole statue seemed resolved. And up until now I hadn't seen Jasper in a t-shirt again.<p>

"Momma!" She embraced me and I sighed heavily, happy to have her in my arms.  
>"I heard Esme needs me," I said to her and quickly looked at Jasper, but he wouldn't look at me. For some reason I was disappointed that he ignored me.<br>"Yeah, she wants you to drive to Seattle," she said, excited.  
>"Seattle? Okay," I answered and followed Nessie inside, not giving Jasper another glance.<p>

* * *

><p>As told, I drove to Seattle that day to deliver a sculpture that Esme had made for a customer. It was nice to have a whole day to myself without anyone to worry about me. Somedays, I couldn't stand their worried glances and silent words which my family never said. But I could read them in their eyes. So I looked really forward to this day.<p>

Nessie was down at La Push beach with Jake. The news said that tonight would be the first snow fall around here, and Nessie wanted to watch it with him. Emmett was in Denali with Rose for a few days; Peter and Charlotte had joined them to meet our extended family there. It was their first meeting and I wondered briefly why Jasper hadn't gone with them. After all it was his coven. He was their leader.  
>Esme was at home, working on a floor plan. She had already spent two days on it because she thinks the house isn´t big enough for all of us. She is planning to built another house beside the main house. For guests or friends who visited us here in Forks.<p>

Carlisle let her do what she wanted, like always. He was, at the moment, at some conference for the hospital. They wanted a change in their interior, beginning with the newest high-tech equipment and all that.  
>And, because Carlisle was so popular in the medical profession in Forks, he was one of the doctors who attented it.<br>_If they all only knew…_

It was already night as I drove back towards Forks. The silent road was soothing to me as I listened to a beautiful song. Absently, I hummed it, tipping my nails on the steering weel in the rythm of the beat and continued on with the songs that followed, until the thick clouds above me broke apart and let the moonlight fall over the dark forest. For some reason, the landscape held my interest while I drove and I had to stop the truck beside the road. Before I stepped out, my eyes quickly scanned my surroundings.

I closed the door of the truck and walked a little bit into the forest. I went deeper and deeper through the thicket and deeply inhaled the forest scents, while I listen to the sounds of the animals around me. The urge to run grew stronger, and I suddenly felt caged. In a quick decision, I pulled off my shoes. A deep, contented sigh escaped me as I felt the ground underneath me. My toes wriggled into the cold dirt as I stood with closed eyes, just enjoying the feeling. Then I took off into the night.  
><em>The truck will have to wait until tomorrow.<em>

As I ran through the forest, dugging under half fallen trees or springing above trunks, I noticed snow hadn´t fallen yet, and I was sure Nessie was not happy about that. I smiled at the thought.  
>I turned north while I ran through the thicket, enjoying the silent night. Branches slapped at me and broke on my granite skin. The wind was like a soft breeze against my face. For a human it would be ice cold.<br>I remembered how my cheeks had hurt on one night as Edward ran with me on his back through the forest.

I decided to stop for a quick hunt. It was already over a week ago since I had my last hunt. My throat burned as I smelled my first prey, caribou. My instinct took over as the first swiff of animal blood reached my nose. My thirst increased and I growled hungrily.  
>I was slowly stalking it when, suddenly, something crashed into my side. Someone grabbed me and pushed me to the ground, pressing my face into the dirt.<br>_Panic…_

I felt hands on my wrists as they were pushed harshly against my back that it almost hurt. I tried to break free from the strong hold, but my wrists were in such a fierce grip that I couldn´t move. A body pressed me even deeper into the ground as a dark wild growl erupted from the person.  
><em>Vampire…<em>

"I wouldn´t fight me if I were you, little girl," a deep, angry voice growled into my ear. I was so scared and was still as a stone as his words sunk into me. For a second longer I was still, until my defense instinct awoke and I trashed against his hold wildly. I needed to break free, needed to run.

_RUN..._

A wild snarl escaped my clenched teeth, while my face was still burried into the dirt. My whole body trembled at the thoughts of the things this stranger could do to me now. But it was futile. Despair grew inside me.  
>In one swift move I was turned around roughly and saw the vampire for the first time. A sound that was a mix between a snarl and a desperate whimper escaped me and he grinned happy about my reaction.<br>His dirty brown hair was a mess and fell into his eyes while water dripped from him. His only clothes were his black jeans, which were drenched from water, and some army dog tags. His features were almost as bulky as Emmett´s, but he looked scary as hell. He was so strong and his grip hurt me.  
><em>Newborn…<em>

One of his hands held my neck in an iron grip, while the other one pushed my body down so that my hands which lay still behind my back, stayed together. His vibrantly crimson eyes stared down at me and, with every second that passed, they got darker until they were pitch black. A smirk was plastered on his face and grew even wider.

"Take you're fucking hands from me, you scumbag!" I screeched and spit my venom into his face. He laughed out loud at that and licked it from his lips.  
>"You taste even better than you smell," he growled, distracted by my venom. I used that moment to break his hold on me.<p>

I pushed my leg up and into his chest and threw him off of me and into a tree, which cracked and fell to the ground with a booming crash. I sprung to my feet, turned around, and ran without a second thought. My flight instinct was so strong at the moment, and I tried now to stay alive.

I didn´t make it very far before I was tackled to the ground. This time by a completely different vampire. His scent hit my nose but he wasn't familiar. Once again I found me on my back. But this vampire had pushed me onto my back with so much force that I heard my head crack. In one swift movement, his legs pushed mine open and his knees pressed them into the ground. At the same time, his hands pushed my wrists to my sides so that I couldn´t do anything other than turn my head.  
><em>Skilled fighter…<em>

This one was better at fighting than the one I pushed off of me. I had no chance against them, especially not against a newborn.  
>They are unpredictable and act on pure instinct. I saw it with my own eyes.<br>My fighting skills were practically zero.

I felt that familiar sting in my eyes as if tears could run out of them any moment and thrashed against this vampire, too. He wasn´t as strong as the first, but suddenly something happened to me. The muscles in my arms and legs wouldn´t respond when I tried to move them.

"She is a vixen. Be careful, Emanuel." I heard the one I had pushed into a tree say as he emerged with such a pissed off face, that I knew he wanted to kill me as soon as possible.

"Don´t worry, Aaron. I know how to handle females like this one," the one above me growled with a Spanish accent. I stared at him and felt disgusted. His black hair reached till shortly under his ear, was frizzy and hung down loosly. His face was a grim mask while he watched me with interest. This vampire was wearing nothing more than jeans, too. His body was skinny, but you could see his strong muscles and you almost never expect him to be a skilled fighter. That was a dangerous mix.

What held my gaze the most was his long, ugly scar. It began under his right ear and traveled down his neck, over his collarbone to his left shoulder, before it finally ended on the left side of his chest. He had many other bites scattered around his chest, but they all paled in comparison to this one.  
>At that, my whole body trembled and my thoughts weren´t clear anymore. My fear was consuming me and it spiked even more while he pressed me down. They talked to each other as if I wasn´t there. My muscles felt as if they had fallen asleep.<br>Panic was growing inside me. What is happening with me?  
>I bared my teeth and snarled at them as I tried again to break free, but my limbs were too weak.<p>

"Do that again and I will rip your legs from your sweet body," the one above me said while glaring at me.  
>"Does your gift work already, Emanuel?" the other growled impatiently.<br>"Yes, but slower. She is really different. I think we should play with this beauty a little before we fuck her. What do you think, Aaron?" I felt a finger wander over my face and I hissed at that in disgust.  
>"Don´t touch me! Get off of me, you asshole! And stop what you are doing!" I screamed at him, before I bit into his finger and tore it from his hand. I turned my head to spit it away from me.<p>

He roared loudly and punched his wounded fist into my face. I couldn´t say where it had not cracked. Venom ran down over my broken skin and burned my flesh. It started to heal almost at same moment and, within a minute, everything was repaired.  
>"You will regret that, bitch!" he growled darkly while taking a bunch of hair into his fist before ripping my shirt and bra from me. I was shocked at his act before I answered with my own growl.<br>I wanted to rip him to pieces, but I couldn´t move. My frustration at that got the better part of me and I screamed out to the sky. They both just laughed at me.  
>My desperate roar shattered through the forest night as the realization about my situation sank in.<br>They would torture me, long and agonizingly slowly, before they get tired of me and tear me apart.  
>A lump formed in my throat as I thought at my family.<br>I will never see them again. Never hear their voices. My life would end... here... tonight. They will never know what had happened to me.  
>And Nessie will be so heartbroken.<p>

_Nessie…_

At that thought, a sob broke free from my lips. I didn´t want to die.  
><em>Oh God, please don´t let me die here. Please…<br>_As I felt his filthy hands on my naked chest, despair, disgust, panic, and anger were all I could feel.  
>"NOOO!" I screamed as the other man watched. The vampire above me begun to lick my neck and I could feel his venom run down my skin. Whimpers escaped my lips as I lay on the ground, somewhere deep, deep in the forest.<p>

I thrashed against his hold ineffectively as my whimpers became sobs which racked my body. And, just to show me that he was in charge and stronger than me, he pressed his body harder into me, stopping my attempts to back away while my limbs lay numb beside my body.

While his tongue lavished my neck, I cried out unintelligible words for help.  
>I couldn´t look at them anymore and turned my head to the side and fixed my eyes on a single leaf that hung on a smaller tree. It danced in the wind with so much grace.<br>For just a millisecond, I could block their growls and snarls out, could block out those touches on my body. I hissed in pain as I felt suddenly sharp teeth bite into the skin of my left breast before he growled into my ear again.

"You know, I can smell him on you. He cannot hide from me," he hissed and I confussion filled me.  
><em>What does he mean?<em>

"Are you his new doll?" he continued his licks on me and chuckled darkly. I felt so disgusted.  
>"I don´t know what you mean." I sobbed. He grabbed my chin to stare into my eyes.<br>"Oh, I think you know, doll. Well, I will prepare you a little bit for him and he will always remember me when he looks at you from now on," he laughed at me before another sharp pain coursed through me as he sank his teeth into my limp wrist, close to where the bite from James had been once. I cried out in pain once more, but quickly looked away from him and back to the leaf.

_It was gone and so was my concentration on it._

I was helpless and felt so dirty and disgusted. I tossed my head to every side now. I tried to move away with my hips, but he growled and bit again into my breast, this time it was harder and I cried out louder.  
>The pain and the shame clouded my mind. A part of me was ready to die. For a second, I let the thought wander through my head.<p>

It would be so easy to encourage this vampire, but I couldn´t. My instincts to stay alive were stronger than the wish to die. His teeth were still buried deep in my skin and my cry was now just an echo through the trees as sobs rocked my body again.

At that one moment a roar, louder than any I had ever witnessed before, shattered the night. It came from northwest and got louder with every second.  
>It was so terrifying and full of anger. Fear consumed me that this was another of their friends and I cried even louder for help.<br>The roar was now an animalistic sound and I heard footsteps running towards us. Trees were falling as they were pushed out of the way.

I didn't know who would come now, but, just by the sound, the person seemed dangerous. The newborn tensed up and for a moment I imagined someone I trusted, until Jasper appeared in my thoughts and something inside of me ached for him so badly.  
>As soon as I felt that, an agonizing and angry scream echoed through the nearby trees and, in the next second, I saw the other vampire, which was standing beside me, crouch down and someone collided with him. The man over me growled at the scene before he bent down to my ear again.<p>

"We will see each other again, doll. Tell the major I will come for him and his doll," he chuckled and disappeared in the blink of an eye.

I was so scared of the fighting beside me until I reconized a very angry Jasper stood with his back to me. A fearful whimper escaped from me and Jasper turned his head to me for a second. His face was a mask of fury, and his eyes were blacker than a starless night. Venom was running out of his mouth and dripped to the ground while he bared his white teeth.

I was sure I never saw anything more powerful and angry than him. If I hadn´t seen his scars in the moonlight, I wouldn't have recognize him.

_"Jasper,"_ I whispered in dissbelieve as shock and relief flooded me instantly at the sight of him.  
>His dark growls were so full of hate as he crouched protectively in front me. In the same time, I felt the numbness slowly disappear from my body and I tried to get on my knees to stand up but failed and fell flat on my butt.<br>Another whimper escaped my lips, and Jasper´s arm came around quickly to press me against him. I let him do it gladly and buried my face into his back to inhale deeply, consuming his scent. It was the first time I was so close to him without feling any fear.

The fear I felt at the moment was directed at those two strangers, one of them already had disappeared.

It was then that I realize that Jasper had no shirt on and was, like the other vampire, in only a pair of jeans. Something was happening to me as I buried my face into his naked back,with his arm holding me in place against him.  
>I could feel the vibrations of his constant angry growls, which soothed me in a way.<br>The vampire in front of us growled darkly at Jasper´s scars and backed away. Obviously, Jasper didn´t like that and hissed loudly at that and the newborn instantly stopped.

"I didn´t know that she was yours," he said with his hands up in a submissive gesture.  
><em>I wasn´t his…<em>I said in my head but continue to rub my face against his back to sooth my nerves a moment longer before I quickly let go of Jasper

Through the shock of my attack and the relief to see Jasper, I forgot to hold my distance. Another hiss escaped Jasper and he just lunched himself at the newborn in one quick leap. With skillet moves, Jasper turned and twisted around from every attack the newborn did. It lasted only a few minutes before Jasper had him around his neck and pushed him down in the dirt and bared his teeth at him.

"NO ONE…" he snarled and held the newborn up so he could see Jasper´s face before Jasper threw his head roughly back into the dirt and spoke darkly," NO ONE WILL TOUCH HER AGAINST HER WILL!" Jasper´s whole body vibrated in anger.

To see him like that really did something to me. I couldn´t tell what exactly it was, but my emotions were enough to distract Jasper for a millisecond. His head snapped over to me and a strange growl rumbled into his chest. One I had heard sometimes from Emmett and Carlisle.  
>The other vampire noticed his distraction and charged at him, trying to bite himinto the neck. The fighting started again and both disappeared through the trees and I could only hear their snarls and growls as they echoed through the night. The fight lasted a little longer than before until I heard a loud ripping sound and roars of pain.<br>Fear consumed me as I thought about Jasper. _Oh God! Please be alright..._

I didn´t know who was ripped apart and who was still alive. I whimpered lightly and tried to leave, but my legs wouldn´t work with my brain. The aftermath from whatever the other vampire did to me still lingered in my limbs, mostly in my legs. In my arms it had faded already.  
>As soon as I saw the thick purple smoke, I heard the footstep coming closer.<br>_Oh god…_  
><em>What if it´s not Jasper?<em>

My panic grew tenfold and I wanted to run, but my stupid legs wouldn't cooperate.  
>I desperately tried to move away. I skid back on my butt while my fingers duck into the earth and I wiggled back with my hands and my butt as best I could.<br>My back was pressed against a tree when I saw a shadow emerge between two trees and I couldn´t see who it was for a millisecond.  
>A desperate whimper escaped my lips until the moonlight showed me his face. In that moment I wanted to cry out loud with relief, because it was Jasper.<p>

He stared deeply into my eyes as he slowly walked over to me.

I was still in shock as I sat there, almost naked, and realized that Jasper had saved my life. My body trembled and I saw him look over me for any sign that I was hurt. His eyes fell to my chest where the vampire had given me deep bites, as well as on my wrist. Both his and my venom was running down my skin and I knew I would have visible scars there. Jasper hissed at the sight and bared his teeth.  
>I felt humiliated and, as quickly as possible I held my arms over my chest to cover me. Only Edward had seen me like that before, and that was over a hundred years ago. Since then no one had seen me like that again.<br>The moonlight made Jasper´s skin shimmer lightly and I saw, for the first time, all the scars that marred his chest.  
><em>Hundreds...<em>

I stared with shock and wonder at his body, which distracted me so much that I didn´t see Jasper´s next move coming. In a flash, he closed the distance to kneel in front of me.

I still sobbed quietly while Jasper looked over me once more for any injuries and I wanted so much to hide myself in a hole deep, deep in the ground. He grabbed my wrist, where the vampire had bitten me, and touched the bite. A painful hiss escaped me and I jerked away. I felt so worthless and broken, I couldn´t look at him. I turned my head to the side, ashamed of what had just happened with me. I was a vampire but couldn't defend myself.

His hand under my chin stopped me and Jasper pushed it up until I had to look into his eyes. His angry mask was still on his face, but I wasn´t scared of him.

"Don´t!" he forced through clenched teeth.I think he tried to sound calm, but it was still a growl.  
>"I am sorry." I wanted to look away, but Jasper wouldn't let me go.<br>"No, I am sorry…I was almost too late to…" he stopped whatever he was going to say and breathed out through his nose.  
>He continued, "I won´t harm you, I promise." With that he swept me up in his arms and stood up. I was shocked at the sudden contact with him, but didn´t fight it.<p>

My body melted into his and, instinctively, I pressed a hand on his bare chest to steady myself in some way. Jasper breathed in sharply at that and, as my fingers came in contact with his rough skin, I could feel every muscle, every scar on the place where my hand lay.  
>Our naked skin was pressed tightly together, and I could feel the side of my right breast against his chest before I heard him stop breathing for a moment. Words couldn´t describe what was happening inside me right now. Never had I been that close to a man, other than Edward.<p>

My fingertip wandered faintly over a scar and I couldn´t stop my eyes from traveling over all the others again.  
><em>What had happened to this man? And what had he to endure in his past? How could I think badly about him?<em>  
>My guilt grew at these thoughts; I hadn´t given him a chance at all and I wanted nothing more than change the moments where I ignored him the most.<p>

"Are you alright?" he asked finally.

For the first time since I met Jasper, his voice was soft and so full of emotions. It warmed me so much that my whole body tingled.  
><em>Why…<em>

"Y-Yes," I whispered and looked up at him. His gaze softened at my words, but his eyes were still black as coal and I couldn´t do anything other than stare into them.  
>I never saw such an intense black in a vampire's eye, other than in Jasper´s. Not even Edward could compare to it. Is that even possible? It seemed that everything was so much more intense with Jasper.<br>He stood with me in his arms, in the middle of the forest. A strange feeling slowly grew inside me, like when you come home.  
><em>Home...<em>

As my eyes moved a fraction to the side, I saw something moving around us and sighed.  
>Snowflakes were falling lightly without any sound from the sky,until they reached the ground, then I could hear a small hissing sound. They blew around, twirling and dancing, covering us slowly.<br>"Thank you for saving me," I whispered finally, as I watched another crystal snowflake fall into his hair.  
>"My pleasure," he drawled and my eyes met Jasper´s once more, before a shiver ran down my spine that made me quickly look away.<br>The feeling of home was growing even more now, and I closed my eyes at the sensation. It was such a foreign feeling which I thought I had lost a long time ago. But I was more confused to feel it by Jasper.

* * *

><p>"We are here, Bella," Jasper whispered in my ear and I opened my eyes.<br>As I looked up, I saw that Carlisle was pacing up and down on the porch, while Esme was trying to calm him down. No one else was here and I was glad about that, I felt humiliated enough. Carlisle and Esme looked in our direction as soon as we came out of the forest and into their view.

Carlisle stopped his pacing and, with a fast pace, he stood in front of us. Suddenly, Jasper let out a dark warning growl and his grip on me tightened, which startled me. Carlisle backed away a step to let Jasper pass him.  
>"Oh, dear God! Thank you…thank you!" Esme cried between sobs as she saw my appearance, before her arms engulfed me in a tight embrace. Jasper still held me up against his chest while Esme hugged me.<p>

Jasper walked quickly into the house with me cradled against him, but more to shield my naked chest from everyone. But at the moment I could care less, I was just glad to be home.

Esme and Carlisle followed us into the house.

"I am alright," I tried to reassure Jasper, but he just continued to walk until we reached my room. Esme had followed us upstairs and Jasper finally put me down. I wobbled a little and I saw Esme´s worried face.  
>"You need a shirt, sweetheart." She quickly took my hand, ignoring Jasper, and pushed me into my room before she closed the door. The numbness in my limbs had almost disappeared completely now, and I could use my legs again. I heard Jasper walk back downstairs a little faster than usual, while Esme appeared with a shirt for me. I thanked her before she embraced me again.<p>

_"Thank you so much, Jasper."_ I listened to Carlisle's broken voice and knew what I had to do. I looked to Esme and she nodded with a smile.  
>I quickly dressed and walked, on my still wobbly legs, down the stairs over to Carlisle. His anguished face broke my heart and I opened my arms. Carlisle wasted not another second and held me tightly against his chest.<br>"Don´t frighten me like that again, Bella." he whispered into my hair. I felt guilty as the thought about my wish to die, which I had earlier,came into my mind.  
>"I am sorry. I didn´t mean to do it on purpose," was all I could say.<br>"Are you alright, Bella?" Carlisle held me away from him and looked me in the eye. I nodded before he let go of me.  
>Until now I hadn´t given it a thought, but since I was safe again and at home, my mind went it´s way again and I had to ask.<br>I looked towards Jasper, who stood at the bottom of the stairs.  
>"Jasper, how did you know I was in danger? Did you follow me or something like that?" I asked him and saw him stiffen. Esme had come down at this moment and stood beside Jasper, looking at him and then at Carlisle.<br>"No, I didn´t follow you," he hesitated before he continued, "I could just feel your emotions." Something was off, there was something he didn't tell me and I wasn´t convinced. His gift couldn´t reach that far, could it? I didn´t know him well enough to tell, so I said nothing more.  
>"Who was it?" Carlisle asked and turned to Jasper.<br>"A newborn and an older one, who ran away as soon as I came to her. The scent was slightly familiar to me, but the newborn overdosed it too much to figure it out." Jasper continued.  
><em>"Emanuel,"<em> I whispered as everyone went silent and Jasper´s head snapped to me so fast, it startled me a little bit. He looked surprised.  
>"What?" Carlisle asked.<br>"The older vampire´s name was Emanuel. He told me something," I stopped, unsure if I should tell it. Was it even even important? It made no sense to me.

Esme went to my side on the couch,where I had sat down after Carlisle let go of me.  
>"Sweetheart, maybe it is important." I shrugged, but felt curiosity and looked up towards Jasper. His gaze held mine and the feeling intensified.<br>"He said, 'We will see each other again, doll. Tell the major I will come for him and his doll!' I even don´t know a major or anything about what he had said. Maybe he had mistaken me with somebody else," I said, but a low growl escaped Jasper´s lips and, as I looked at him, his hands were balled into fists and trembled visibly while his black eyes gazed into thin air. He looked so angry, almost like he did in the woods.  
>"Excuse me," he said between clenched teeth and, with that, he quickly walked out of the house. Clueless, I looked at Carlisle, who watched him leave until he couldn't be seen anymore.<br>"Carlisle?" I asked, confused, but he just shook his head and Esme frowned at him.  
>After that I needed a shower.<p>

The water felt so good against my skin. As I washed my body clean of all the dirt, scent and venom the other vampire, Emanuel, had left on me, I finally felt like myself again.  
>I rinsed the shampoo out of my hair, shut the water off, and grabbed a towel to put around my body. Before I closed it, my eyes fell on my reflection in the mirror, or, specifically, on the bite marks which now covered my left breast. A reminder for him...<br>_Who was this major...?_

My hand touched now the healed skin and it felt like Jasper´s, rough. I shook the memory out of my head and finally closed the towel.  
>I felt tired as I dried myself and changed into new clothes before I needed to lie down. It was impossible for a vampire to sleep, but, in this moment, I wished I could. I felt physically tired.<br>I just lay there, with closed eyes, for hours until I heard my door open and close again. I had smelled them and heard them before they were here.  
>They didn´t say anything, just came over and lay on the bed with me. Nessie in front of me, and Jake behind me.<p>

"Want to talk about it, Bells?" Jake whispered into my ear.

"No, I just want to forget it. It was horrible," I mumbled.

"I am so sorry, Momma." Nessie sobbed, but I shushed her until she fell asleep.

As I lay there, I pretended to sleep again, but I only saw one picture behind my eyes.

Jasper´s feral face, venom dripping down on his chin while he bared his teeth. But I couldn´t find it in me to be scared of , it was quite the opposite, and this feeling scared me more than anything else.

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><p>Well, that was the new chapter. Any thoughts you wanna share with me. Let me know. I am always curious to hear from you guys.<br>And don´t forget...  
><strong>REVIEWER GETS A TEASER!<strong>

starnosy


	4. Learning about you

**A/N:** Sorry that it took me so long, but I had not the time to upload it due christmas preparations. I am so busy right now. That´s why I can not give you a teaser for the next chapter. I am half finsihed with it. But during christmas, I will take the time to finish it.  
>So now to this one. I really hope you like it. Finally some JasperBella time. My christmas gift for all my readers, followers, reviewers and so on. Please enjoy it. And don´t hesitate to review it. It will lighten up my day.

A very big big thank you to my beta **B. Andd**! You are trully amazing hun.

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><p>Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight<br>Rating: **M** (_for sexual contents, don´t read if you are under 18_)  
>Pairing: JasperBella

**Where the heart is**

**Chapter 4: **Learning about you**  
><strong>

Bella POV

_...I am sure he would love some new friendships as well as you would do. Give him a chance! Carlisle would not befriend with him if he was a danger to our family..._

Esme´s words echoed again and again in my head as I sat on the railing of the back porch. My legs dangled loosely over the ground as I stared intently at the forestline.  
>A few days had passed since the attack. During that time, my mind was distracted by this one night, but strangely I never thought about those vampires once, I was instead consumed by Jasper, always Jasper. It confused me to no end.<p>

_...Give him a chance..._

Again, Esme´s words were filling my mind once more. I knew that Esme was right, she always was!

I wanted to try it too, like Nessie, but I didn´t know how I should approach him. Since Jasper was here I was a total mess and hadn´t tried to have any conversations with him. So I wasn´t sure what I could talk about with him, anyway.  
>Sadly, I also hadn´t paid much attention to the others as they spoke with him. For an outsider, it would look stupid, especially for a vampire, but it was difficult for me to allow changes in my existence.<p>

A deep, heavy sigh escaped me as I thought about my dilemma. I immediately felt the slight burn in my throat, which grew stronger after my exhale. I touched the skin there, scratching it lightly, but my fingers did nothing to lesson it. Hunting alone wasn´t an option after the attack, and everyone had already gone before. I hadn´t looked at myself since I had seen the scars in the mirror after Jasper brought me back that night.

I tried to ignore the permanent burn, and instead concentrated on my family. It was distracting enough after a moment.

I listened to my surroundings: someone was flipping a page in a book somewhere on the second floor, while from the third floor the rustling sounds of sheets mixed with scratching wood on the ground grew louder and stifled moans were heard. Someone was pacing the living room and, from the style, it sounded like..._Carlisle_. Warm giggles came from the kitchen, and a whispering sound from the living room. Someone had moved into another position on the couch and it cracked at the quick change. No one spoke aloud inside.  
>Suddenly I heard Rose and Emmett upstairs arguing loudly, mostly Rose.<p>

"Emmett! These are not ´just´ clothes you tore apart a few seconds ago! Chanel... Dior... I bought them in France, Em... in France!" She ranted on about her torn clothes that Emmett saw as unimportant. He would just sigh once in a while. Yeah, useless things; at least, they were in my eyes.

Esme was singing the happy birthday song to herself as she worked with Nessie in the kitchen on a cake for Jake, it wasn´t even someone's birthday. I scrunched my nose as the smell reached my nose and I shuddered. To think of me eating was strange. I couldn´t imagine myself eating anything. _Why couldn´t I remember such a simple thing? _The picture just didn't sit right with me, it always felt wrong. _Had I stood while I ate, or had I been sitting? _I try to imagine myself, sitting in Charlie´s house on a chair and eating cake, then standing against the counter and holding a plate in my hand. But I felt nothing, no memory that I ever did something like that. Had I liked cake as human? And had I any eating habits? I know that Jake and Nessie have some and I liked to see them. It was always fascinating to watch them both eat.

For some reason it bothered me that I had forgotten how I ate as a human. I remembered Charlie eating a sandwich, and Paul eating some muffin that Emily had baked for the guys, but I couldn´t remember me eating any human food. My frustration grew as I forced myself to remember just a little bit.  
>My frustration got the better of me and I dug my fingers hard into the wood, which cracked loudly as it broke. Shocked by my action, I sprang to my feet and stared at the splinters of wood in my hand, and then back to the hole in the railing.<p>

"Bella?" I looked up into Esme´s worried face. "Is everything alright, dear?" She stepped through the open glass door and out to the patio.  
>"I cannot remember ever eating any food," I mumbled and looked back down to my hands. I let the splinters fall to the grass.<br>"I am sorry about the railing, Esme. I will fix it," I continued with a frown.  
>"Oh dear, that´s alright. I'll fix that. You know I am already planning to rebuild the house completely." Esme smiled at me before she threw her arm over my shoulder.<br>"Bella, don´t worry about your human habits. I have forgotten so many things since my change. We all have," she reassured me, while we walked back into the kitchen where Nessie was still busy with decorating the finished cake. She had flour on her cheeks, clothes, hands, and in her bronze-colored hair.

"But if it helps you..." Esme whispered into my ear as I noticed a wolf, which looked exactly like Jake, sitting in the middle of the cake."...we all can tell you. And I know Emmett will gladly do it." I gave her a small smile before turning to Nessie and kissed her head. I watched her finish the wolf before she started writing Jake´s name underneath it.  
>"Careful, Momma!" She shushed me a little, and that made me smile before I looked towards the living room. I was shocked to see Jasper staring intently at me while Carlisle and Peter were in a heated discussion.<p>

Maybe I should approach him now. It seemed as if he wasn't really listening to Carlisle and Peter, anyway.

Strong determination and courage were filling me and I walked out of the kitchen into the living room. Jasper watched me with a curious gaze, but my courage and determination quickly vanished into nothingness. I could literally feel my heart sink into my stomach again and my nerves got the better part of me; I simply couldn´t do it. So, like the coward that I am, I walked straight by without a glance.

_God! I am such an idiot! _

"Bella! Is everything okay?" Carlisle asked and I turned around, looking straight in Jasper´s still curious eyes again.

_Oh no! _

"Y-Yes, I am feeling better, Carlisle. Why?" I was drowning in Jasper´s eyes. The color was so intense; it was as if they were glowing.  
>"…now. Bella? Bella, are you listening?" Carlisle asked.<br>"Huh?" Jasper looked away and I could finally concentrate on Carlisle. Peter chuckled for some unknown reason.  
>"I said that I am glad you feel better now. Do you want to join us, or are you going somewhere else?" Carlisle was looking at me strangely now.<p>

_I need a reason to leave the house..._  
>Hunt... yes... I hadn´t hunted yet...<p>

"No, I need to hunt," I said irritated, and with that I walked out into the hall. I had almost reached the front door when I felt a presence behind me and stopped in my tracks.  
>"Would you mind if I join you, Isabella?" I inhaled sharply as I heard his soft and quiet voice.<p>

Thousand questions were running now through my head how to decline his offer, but as I turned around to look at him all reasons to say no seemed to disappear.  
>This was the best opportunity to get over my fears and let him in, to give him the chance Esme had spoken about.<br>"Um... yes?" It came out more as a whispered question than an answer and Jasper gave me a warm smile. I literally melted there and then. I had never seen him smile; at least not at me.  
>"I really don´t want to interrupt anything by joining you," he continued.<br>"You won´t." With that I quickly turned around and opened the door before I walked out, Jasper close behind.  
>"Thank you, Isabella," he said from behind while I walked more quickly towards the forest.<p>

I was a little nervous as the house disappeared behind the trees. Not because I was afraid of him, no, since that one night in the forest I wasn´t scared of Jasper in any way. But still, I was nervous to be in his presence, especially alone.  
>Whenever I was near him, something inside me wanted to be even closer, like a magnet was pulling me towards him and I couldn´t fight it.<p>

I started to speed up and was now running. The trees disappeared behind me, and would have been a blur if I were still human.  
>The thousand scents of winter lingered in the air and the higher I went, the colder it got. Soon the first snow appeared on the ground.<br>Jasper was running beside me and I felt his eyes on me occasionally. It was strange how we moved in synch.

It irritated me. _He_ irritated me, and I couldn´t concentrate on my surroundings or where I was running until Jasper harshly grabbed my arm and pulled me to the side. I fell into him from the force and we stumbled to the dirty ground, his arms wrapped tightly around me.

Shock ran through me as we collided. The light snow blew around us from the force and fell slowly back down, like glitter, while I lay under him. Jasper was so tense as he hovered over me that I saw him tremble slightly. His eyes stared deeply into mine, and the shock at the sudden closeness took my breath away and I gasped.

Jasper´s eyes looked quickly down at my lips at the sound and a light rumble built in his chest while his breathe washed over me. A light shudder ran down my spine and made my skin tingle. The snowflakes still fell down over us. They glistened in the light and the different crystal shapes, which tangled in his golden locks, captivated me. The urge to touch his hair was suddenly immense.

I would have possibly, maybe, if it wasn´t for the heartbeats that suddenly got louder in the background. The rushing sound of blood, which ran through the veins of caribous, was mouthwatering.

I closed my eyes in pleasure as the scent overwhelmed my senses. I needed it, and moaned lowly as I imagined the blood run down my throat.

The low moan grew into a constant growl as I bared my teeth slowly and let the scent consume me. I forgot that I still lay on the ground with Jasper. All I could concentrate on now were these animals with their delicious blood. Thirst consumed me even more and I pushed myself from the ground, ignoring the growl he gave me as I pushed him away, and took off.

* * *

><p>I stalked them and quickly found out the weakest of the herd. I grabbed it in the next second and pushed it to the ground with my body. My sharp teeth finally bit through the fur until the warm blood was flooding into my mouth.<p>

It was heavenly to finally have some blood run down my throat. I hadn´t registered how thirsty I really was. The burning instantly lessoned and, after I had found the herd two miles away and killed a second caribou, it was bearable. As I came out of my bloodlust, I looked around and instantly found myself drowning in Jasper´s coal black eyes.  
>Jasper was crouched down with his palm pressing against the tree. His fingers were curled into it, scratching marks deep into the wood, as he stared at me.<p>

_Had he watched me hunt?_

I shivered again at that thought, and a hiss escaped Jasper as he bared his teeth. At that moment it dawned on me that he still needed to hunt.  
>Out of nowhere a small deer appeared. I grabbed it and broke its neck in one swift move.<br>"I am sorry that I didn´t think about you before. You need to feed." With that I threw the animal to his feet. He looked down to the corpse and back up to me.  
>"I said I wanted to join you, not hunt with you," he hissed and scrunched his face, but grabbed the animal nonetheless.<p>

I watched as Jasper sunk his teeth into the fur and sucked once, but he immediately withdrew and growled in disgust. The blood splashed out of the bite and ran down over his neck and chest, drenching his shirt completely.  
>I was paralyzed as I stared at the man in front of me while the animal blood drenched him. Jasper let the animal corpse fall to the ground and spit the small amount of blood in his mouth out into the snow, tainting it red.<br>For some reason, his disgusted face amused me and a giggle escaped me.

Quicker than possible, I clapped my hands over my mouth as soon as the sound escaped my lips. Jasper´s head snapped to me at the sound as I stood there frozen and with wide eyes. I was mortified!  
>I hadn´t made such a sound in over a hundred years, and to hear it now was just too much. I backed away from him and the scene, and turned around before I took off deeper into the forest.<p>

I don´t know how long I ran, but I slowed down finally until I stopped at all and threw myself down to the ground.  
>"This man..." I sighed and let my head fall into my hands. "This man has the power to make me feel things again; things I don´t want to feel. GOD! He is too dangerous for me," I mumbled to myself.<p>

I was deep in thought when I heard him approach me from behind. As I looked up, Jasper smiled at me and my heart melted.

"You can sit if you want. I don´t bite," I said after Jasper didn´t make any move closer. After I said that, his mouth twitched slightly and he sat down beside me.

While we sat there on the ground, I wanted to say something, but what should I say? I don´t know him at all and I don´t have a reputation for good conversations. That was always Esme´s and Carlisle´s talent, not mine. I looked at him and saw the dry blood smeared all over his face and clothes and curiosity grew inside of me.

"Did you ever hunt an animal before?" I began to nervously pull the frozen grass out of the ground after I had asked him that.  
>"No, this was my first time. And I only did it because you gave it to me." He smiled once more.<br>"And how was the taste?" I continued quickly, before I lost my courage.  
>"Horrible!" Jasper said with a laugh. His laugh warmed my heart so much; I craved to hear it more.<br>"That bad?" I turned my head and saw that his eyes were closed. He chuckled again at something before he turned his head to me and opened his eyes to watch me. His gaze was so strong.  
>"Yes, but I guess it should be a relief for me. All the other times I could feel the emotions of the humans I kill."<p>

I wasn´t sure how I should respond to that, or if I even have to, so I stayed silent. But my curiosity was growing stronger with every second.  
>"Ah, you are curious about me." Jasper threw his head back and smiled again, with closed eyes, as if he was sensing something.<br>"I am sorry. It´s just that you are really a mystery to me," I apologized while I watched him.  
>"I could say the same about you," he looked at me with a strong expression as he said those words.<br>"Me?" I was shocked to hear that, I wasn´t , I was just boring. _Simply boring! _Isabella Marie Swan-Cullen, the most boring and broken creature on this earth. Sadness awoke inside my dead heart at the realization.

I will, for the rest of my forever, always be this... _this broken vampire._

"Why do you feel like that now?" his voice was sharp, like a hiss.  
>"Like what?" I frowned.<br>"Worthless." I didn´t answer him. I just shrugged my shoulders and continued to pull the grass out of the ground.  
>We were silent again, watching the reflection of the moon in the water, until Jasper finally broke the silence.<br>"I would really like to know you, Isabella," his voice was so soft when he spoke, it was almost a whisper. Jasper put his hand over mine that lay on the wet grass. I stared at it before I looked up into his handsome face.

"Maybe later," I told him and Jasper just nodded at me, but didn´t take his hand away from mine. The warm sensation was back and grew the longer he touched me. It became something that I had never felt before. It was like the night he had carried me back to Forks.

It was never this strong between Edward and I when he held me, never.

"Maybe I can tell you something about me instead," he suggested with a smile on his lips and he intertwined our fingers slowly. His long fingers brushed along mine during his move and I closed my eyes for a second to enjoy the sensation.

"You don´t have to," I whispered quickly and shook my head no.  
>"I know, but I want to share something with you. At least if that is okay with you, darlin'." He looked intently at me, while my gaze quickly moved to the ground. Him calling me darlin' would have made me blush if I were still human. I was glad that I had lost my blush through my change, but right now Jasper could feel it.<br>"Okay," I whispered finally. If he wanted to speak about his past, then so be it.  
>"You are so curious, Isabella. It radiates from you in such a strong wave." He smiled and I ducked my head in embarrassment.<br>"Don´t feel that, darlin'. I am glad you want to know about me. Others are not like that; they see my scars and try to avoid me. Caution is something I feel all the time around others." I just looked up at his words and felt bad because I had acted the same way since they had come here.

"Well, were shall I begin," Jasper said suddenly.  
>"Um...do you remember your human life?" I asked him.<br>"A little, I have clearer memories about my time as a soldier, but I knew that I was born in Houston, Texas in 1844. My human life, at least what I can remember, was that of a simple farm boy. Back in my time, people had many children, and I think I had siblings, at least I remember that there was one. My memories are vague for this one person and I can´t even imagine if I had a brother or a sister, but I held strong feelings for my sibling.

"Often, I try to remember more of my human past, to recall faces or places, but everything stays in the shadows. No faces and no recognition of anything anymore. Many times I had traveled around the area of Houston to find a place that would remind me of anything..." Jasper stopped his speech, lost in his own thoughts while staring into thin air. A deep frown was plastered on his face and I felt so sorry for him. His eyes looked so sad and I moved a little closer, while I squeezed his hand a little bit.

Jasper focused back and gave me a sad smile before he continued.

"Of course, everything was foreign to me. But I had hoped that it would trigger some memories." I knew what he meant, today was such a moment for me. I sighed as I thought back to my frustration about losing that simple memory.

"It sucks!" He seemed surprised at my choice of words. "When I was human, it was fascinating to everyone watching me eat; at least my family has told me that. I wish I could remember it. I know it must sound stupid to you, but not for me."  
>"It´s not stupid, Isabella," he reassured me. It was strange to share something with Jasper, but it felt so good.<br>I just smiled at him as we looked at each other, for what felt like the hundredth time, before my curiosity grew again.  
>"You were a soldier?" I blurted out. It seemed I had no filter right now.<p>

Jasper was quiet before he answered.

"I was like every young man back then, wild and full of dreams, dreams about joining the war. I left my parents property to join the army. I lied about my age as I arrived at the camp to enroll me. Soon after, I had joined the Confederate Army. I rose quickly through the ranks, promoted over older, more experienced men. I really enjoyed my time as a soldier, to lead my men through the war. It would have been a good life if I had not been changed, I suppose." Jasper´s eyes looked intense as he told me that.

"I can only imagine the heartbreak my parents went through as they heard that I went missing," he said sadly.  
>"I am so sorry." I could feel Jasper´s pain at the memory and my hand went to my heart.<br>"Thank you, Isabella, but it was long ago and in another life," Jasper said.

I was finally content with sharing my story with him.

"I think I am ready to tell you how I found my way to the Cullens."  
>"Isabella, just because I told you my human life doesn´t mean that you have to do that, too." He frowned again.<p>

"I know that, Jasper, and I am okay with telling you. You already know a little bit of it." I really was okay to share my past with him. It felt right somehow. Jasper gave me a breathtaking smile and I just stared at him for a second, shamelessly, before my imaginary blush came back.

I closed my eyes for a moment to collect myself. It will be hard to tell him my past, but I can manage it.

"So, what do you want to know about me?"  
>"Anything that you want to share," he said simply with a slight smile, and I felt his thumb stroking over the back of my hand.<p>

"Well, I was born here in Forks over a hundred years ago, but lived almost all my human life in Arizona with my mum, Renee. When I was seventeen my mum remarried, and I came back to Forks to live with my dad, Charlie, where I met the Cullens. On my second day in Forks, I met Edward and immediately fell in love with him. It was a difficult start for us. I was his singer and he constantly had to fight his bloodlust. Edward saved my life a dozen times. Everyone can tell you stories about my human self and how clumsy I was. I couldn´t even walk a straight line without tripping," as I said that, I heard him chuckle. I was more than happy that my clumsiness was gone now.

"I bet it was funny," Jasper was still smiling as he said that.

"Yeah, for the others; for me it was horrible! I was a danger magnet, like Edward used to call me." I was in my own reverie for a while, thinking about him until Jasper´s touch brought me back.

His fingers draw circles on the back of my hand, and the warm sensation grew into a fire. I tried not to show Jasper how much that affected me, but with an empath that was impossible. He didn´t stop and I enjoyed the touch before I continued.

"Edward and I weren´t like Esme and Carlisle or Rose and Emmett, but we loved each other deeply."  
>"You mean mates?" he asked and I nodded.<br>"I cannot tell the differences because I never met my mate, if I even have one."

I had long ago stopped believing that there is someone out there for me. Even if this possibility was open, I am not sure my heart could accept him.  
>"Believe me, the difference is huge. The love you will feel for your mate, or even soulmate, has no boundaries. You couldn´t describe the feelings in you. It´s such a strong bond you share with him that it physically hurts to be apart." I listened intently to every word he said. He sounded as if he knew the feeling.<p>

"It seems that you already found your mate." He just smiled at that. _Does he have a mate? _But Carlisle introduced him only with Peter and Charlotte, nobody else. I shook my head to get my thoughts back together. It wasn´t my business and I was still not yet finished with my story.

"Well, where was I…?"  
>"You told me about your clumsiness." He smiled.<br>"Ah yes, my clumsiness... On my eighteenth birthday it finally happened. My clumsiness changed everything for us as I cut my finger on a stupid piece of paper." I held my finger out, to show Jasper the invisible cut and he visibly tensed up as I looked at him.

"Edward lunged for me and I was thrown over the table. I fell into some broken glass and got an even deeper cut. Carlisle was in front of me instantly to protect me, and Emmett and Rose dragged Edward out through the backdoor. I remember the blood; it was everywhere and flew out of my arm. Thanks to Carlisle, he stitched me back together." A low growl escaped Jasper and I stopped abruptly at that.

"I am sorry, please continue," he said apologetically.

I breathed in deeply to prepare myself for what would come now.

"After this night, Edward chose to leave with his family for my safety. At first I thought he made a bad joke, but as soon as he kissed me goodbye everything fell apart for me and I realized the truth." I closed my eyes at the blurred memory. I could still feel the heartbreak I went through. Jasper squeezed my hand and I instantly felt better.

I smiled and his eyes lit up at it.

"For months I was the living dead, a zombie. I lost all my friends through my behavior and my dad wanted to send me back to my mum. Only Jake could finally break through the wall I had built around me. He gave me hope and my life back. When I was with him I was happy again, and I could laugh. Jake is my best friend, but it was not always like that. He was always there for me and he healed my broken heart in such a strong way that it left marks on both of us, I guess." Jasper´s face was unreadable now and his gaze was fixed somewhere else, away from me. It was then that I registered a new day had arrived. Dawn was lightingup the sky and I stopped my story. I had to go back to my family, they are probably worried.

"I think we should go back home," I said as the morning sun grew higher.

"If you wish," Jasper answered, but didn´t move. He looked relaxed as we sat on the ground in the forest. He had braced himself on his arms sometime during my story, while our hands were still intertwined. It felt right... _so right... _

Jasper was looking into my eyes as if he could read my soul, and I was paralyzed. His eyes were such a vivid red that I hadn´t seen before. Gold yes, but not red. So many sprinkles of red dotted his iris, and I wondered how I could find myself liking it so much. I liked his eye color immensely. _The color of a human drinker! _

I began to bite on my lip nervously, without thinking, and Jasper´s posture tensed slightly as I felt his fingers grip my hand a little tighter.  
>After a moment, he rose from the ground and took me with him.<p>

Jasper was still covered in dry blood, but he seemed not to care about it. It must smell disgusting to him when he only feeds on humans. I was really impressed and even more intrigued to know this man better.  
>"Maybe next time you won´t spit it out." I gestured to his shirt and he arched an eyebrow.<br>"Maybe," he said with a smile, but sounded not so convinced.

As we reached the house again, almost everyone was gone. Nessie was at school with Emmett, while the others had their jobs to attend. Only Charlotte, Rose, and Peter were around.  
>"It was a really interesting night, Isabella," Jasper said as we stood at the front door before he opened it for me.<br>"Yes, for me too," I answered with a small smile and went quickly inside and upstairs for a shower, totally ignoring the curious gazes the others had for me as I passed the living room.

While I peeled my dirty clothes from my body and let them fell down to the ground, my thoughts were clouded with the night in the woods. To be in Jasper´s presence and listen to him while he told me a little bit about himself felt so right.  
>I didn´t once feel the urge to run away. He really was a mystery for me. In over a hundred years, nobody had managed what Jasper had, except my family.<p>

Was it his gift that had this power to break through my wall, or was it really Jasper himself?

* * *

><p>So that´s it. My newest chapter. I hoped you liked it. Leave some review and tell me your thoughts.<p> 


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